Uplink(s): [[⭐️ Emotions|Emotions]], [[🧩 Protectors 🛡️|Protectors]], [[💡 Hypo-arousal|Hypo-arousal]], [[Symptoms of Unresolved Trauma|Symptom of Unresolved Trauma]] ##### Shame Shame is an [[⭐️ Emotions|emotional]] belief that some [[🧩 Exiles 🔒|Exiles]] have about themselves, which our [[🧩 Protectors 🛡️|Protectors]] often remind us of – that they are wrong, broken, defective, unlovable, disgusting, unworthy. These are [[💡 Burdens 🪨|Burdens]]. > [!example] Examples > ###### Shame Constellations > - "Don't speak up, you're awful at public speaking." A [[🧩 Protectors 🛡️|Protector]] reminds us of an [[🧩 Exiles 🔒|Exile]] who feels shame. > - We look in the mirror, cringe, and quickly look away or adjust ourselves. A subtle [[🧩 Protectors 🛡️|Protector]] reminded us of the pain we felt after being shamed for the way we looked, another has us look away from the mirror to get away from the [[🧩 Exiles 🔒|Exile]] who feels it, and another [[🧩 Protectors 🛡️|Protector]] tries to improve our appearance so it won't be triggered again. > > ###### Shaming Statements > - "I'm so stuck in my head!" > - "You're so defensive." > - "You have so much potential." > - "You're privileged, your life isn't even hard." > - "The Secret" is a movement to blame people for what's happened to them, that we've "manifested" our misfortune. %% - [[💡 Shame]] - [[💡 Guilt]] - [[🛡️ Blaming]] - [[🛡️ Inner-Criticism]] - [[🛡️ Perfectionism]] - [[🛡️ Learned Helplessness]] - [[🛡️ Addiction]] - [[🛡️ Reactive Protectors]] - [[💡 Burdens 🪨]], %% ###### Keys - [[🔑 Shame can deter, but not motivate]] - [[🔑 Blame is an attempt to make sense of experience]] - [[🔑 Guilt is about what we do, Shame is a mistake about who we are]] - [[🔑 Most burdens revolve around shame]] - [[🔑 Qualities of Self reverse the effects of shame]] - [[🔑 Laziness does not exist]] - [[🔑 Self-Sabotage does not exist]] - [[🔑 Our symptoms and illnesses are never our fault]] - [[🔑 All Parts are welcome exactly as they are]] %% - Shame both feeds and is dispensed by [[🧩 Protectors 🛡️|Protectors]] who use [[🛡️ Inner-Criticism]]. - Our [[💡 Amygdala]] floods the brain with [[Norepinephrine]] and [[💡 Cortisol]], funneling our resources to survival pathways. - Shame creates implicit racism -- [[🪨 Racism]]. - and it's typically something we're burdened with in childhood — long before we actually did anything wrong. A socially acceptable way for men to process shame is [[Rage]]. %% ###### Working with Shame - [[🧘 🎧 Richard Schwartz - Heart Meditation]] - [[🧘 Loving-Kindness Meditation]] - [[🧘📺 Tara Brach - Healing Shame]] ###### Related - [[🦮 How to work with Inner Critic Constellations]] - [[☀️ Compassion]] [^1]: