🔼: [[Protector Strategies 🛡️]], [[Medical Conditions and Diagnoses]] #### 🛡️ Addiction or Dependence[^1][^2][^3][^4] Addiction is... - ...the [[Protector Strategies 🛡️|Protector Strategy 🛡️]] of a dependency on a high-[[💡 Dopamine|dopamine]] [[Stimulation|stimulus]] or [[💡 Superstimulus|superstimulus]], often to [[🔑 Protectors are dedicated to maintaining their idea of safety, balance and homeostasis|🔑 bring pleasure and take away pain]]. We can have an addiction to [[🛡️ Controlling|Control]], to love ([[💡 Limerence|Limerence]]), alcohol, sex, [[💡 Fear|fear]], excitement, and pain ([[🛡️ Codependency|Codependence]]), validation, fantasy, food, video games, TV/YouTube/streaming, reading, [[Pornography]], social media, work — just about anything that can suppress the [[💡 Limbic System|Limbic System]]. - ...the continued compulsive use of a substance or behavior despite harm to ourselves or others (we must be able to recognize the harm to recognize the addiction). - ...often labeled 'maladaptive coping' – a destructive or socially frowned upon [[Protector Strategies 🛡️|Protector Strategy 🛡️]] Addiction is not some kind of moral failure, it's an effective (at least in the short-term) attempt at a solution, a [[Protector Strategies 🛡️|Protector Strategy 🛡️]]. Fundamentally it's an activity that some part of us desperately hopes will give us the peace, pleasure, and uplift they know we deserve and aren't currently getting for probably a host of reasons, and that we keep doing even when it doesn't achieve that in the long-term. But [[🔑 Protectors are parentified children]], and these strategies both don't address the underlying internal or external causes and often *accidentally* precipitate other inner and outer problems. ##### How Addictions Begin Addictions primarily rely on a high-[[💡 Dopamine|dopamine]] [[Stimulation|stimulus]] or [[💡 Superstimulus|superstimulus]]. Typically people start engaging with them either: 1. to have fun (to celebrate, to amplify a positive feeling) 2. to solve a problem (cope) Using them to cope makes them a clear [[Protector Strategies 🛡️|Protector Strategy 🛡️]], which "works" for a while. Sometimes we start them to have fun, not realizing they’re doing the regulatory work of a [[Protector Strategies 🛡️|Protector Strategy 🛡️]] until well after it’s in place. But with repeated exposure to *any* addictive substance or behavior... 1. We get used to it and we return to our baseline level of happiness. (Neuroscientists call it Neuro-adaptation and Allostasis, reminds me of "hedonistic adaptation.") 2. In order for our [[💡 Protector Parts|Protector Parts]] to [[🔑 Protectors are dedicated to maintaining their idea of safety, balance and homeostasis|🔑 maintain balance and homeostasis]], they need to escalate and give us more of that thing. 3. Again, we get used to it and we stop feeling good – just normal. And when we're not engaging in the addiction, we're often in pain (what we call [[💡 Withdrawal|withdrawal]]) because our baseline is now sustained by the addiction. 5. The addiction becomes a key to maintaining our baseline, so we get tunnel vision as we [[💡 Blending|blend]] with the addicted [[💡 Protector Parts|Protector Parts]] more and more. The thing becomes the only source of relief as other parts of our lives lose their luster because the addicted [[💡 Protector Parts|Protector Part]] is doing an enormous amount of heavy lifting all by themself We don't always know what's good for us and what isn't. Sometimes we don't find out until the downsides become undeniable. Sometimes we might start partaking in something to have fun, not realizing it’s also numbing us against something; alcohol, for example, doesn’t care why we’re drinking it—it does what it does. ##### Addiction Cycles A main driver of addiction is that it's framed as something to be beaten rather than as a [[💡 Protector Parts|Protector Part(s)]] to be relieved, and [[🔑 polarizations create vicious cycles]]: 1. Recognizing an addiction fuels our ecosystem’s desire to get rid it of or stop it – permanently and as soon as possible. This desperation provokes our [[💡 Reactive Protectors|Reactive Protectors]]. 2. To soothe that desperation, those provoked [[💡 Protector Parts|Protector Parts]] are likely to take up the task of [[💡 Polarization|polarizing]] with and [[💡 Protectors-in-Exile|exiling the addicted Protector]]. 3. Often, when the desperation is soothed, or eases up, the [[💡 Protector Parts|Protector Parts]] exiling the addicted Protector *also* relax, which allows that addicted Protector to come out of exile and continue doing their job, which can start this cycle all over again. 4. Addiction is a [[Protector Strategies 🛡️|Protector Strategy 🛡️]] for [[🔑 Protectors are dedicated to maintaining their idea of safety, balance and homeostasis|🔑 keeping us emotionally stable]]. Other Parts can feel desperate and defeated by not being able to end the addiction permanently, which can escalate [[💡 Polarization|polarizations]] and trigger [[💡 Exiles|Exiles]]. They can also give rise to increasingly extreme [[💡 Protector Parts|Protector Parts]] who use strategies like [[🛡️ Criticizing]] or [[🛡️ Suicidality]] to try to force and scare the addicted protector into [[💡 Protectors-in-Exile|exile]] or to motivate us to ask for outside help. At this point, a couple different things can happen. - In order to continue looking after their [[💡 Exiles|Exiles]], addicted [[💡 Protector Parts|Protector Parts]] have no choice but to escalate and become more extreme. - If the addicted Protector is successfully exiled we're likely to experience [[💡 Withdrawal|withdrawal]] and find ourselves [[💡 Overwhelm|overwhelmed]] as the [[💡 Exiles|Exiles]] the addicted protector was looking after are now uncontained. In order to [[🔑 Protectors are dedicated to maintaining their idea of safety, balance and homeostasis|🔑 keep us emotionally stable]], other [[💡 Protector Parts|Protector Parts]] take the addicted part's place using [[Protector Strategies 🛡️]] that may be just as extreme. They're often described as [[Symptoms of Unresolved Trauma]]. We might think of this as a protector hand-off. - There is another option! ##### 🦮 How to Recover from an Addiction It's easy to think of an addiction as a singular thing, a singular problem. But it can be more helpful and more [[☀️ Clarity|☀️ clarifying]] think of addiction as a kind of dynamic within an inner and outer ecology. Most of addressing an addiction isn't about addressing the substance or behavior directly (controlling the [[💡 Protector Parts|Protector]]), but getting a bird's-eye-view, map, or sense of the [[💡 Part Constellation|Part Constellations]], [[💡 Burdens 🪨|Burdens]], and life-circumstances that compel some [[💡 Parts|Part]] of us to use this [[Protector Strategies 🛡️|Protector Strategy]]. This is about much more than just not indulging – there's also learning [[💡 Emotional Regulation|Emotional Regulation]], getting to know our [[💡 Parts|Parts]] and understand why they turned to it in the first place, what [[💡 Trigger|triggers]] them, and what makes them more prone to turning to it (ie boredom, lack [[⭐️ Community]] or [[⭐️ Relationships]], cultural conditioning, ease of access, lack of competing interests, etc.) This is an ecosystem, so there are lots of different angles to approach this from: ###### Mindfulness One of the keys to overcoming an addiction is [[🕯️ Mindfulness]] and to let go of words like "permanently," "forever," or "for good." We can't become sober for a year or for life, we can only be sober *right now* — [[🔑 Do the next right thing|🔑 the present is the only thing we have any direct influence over]]. This has always been true, addiction just makes it obvious. If we notice the impulse or craving in a [[🕯️ Mindful Moments|🕯️ Mindfulness Moment]] and wait it out, we'll eventually notice the craving peaks and then tapers before it goes away. We might also try something like mindful [[🛡️ Procrastinating]] – "I'll drink tomorrow!" Say that tomorrow too. And then the next day. So we just don't indulge in it today. If it's too late for today, then we don't indulge right now. Don't worry about the journey, don't worry about tomorrow, just be here now. Tomorrow will get here all on its own. Remember: progress, not [[🛡️ Perfectionism|🛡️ perfection]]; consistency beats intensity every time. >"The idea is to gain some space, but after that, if you still feel like reaching for the cell phone, for God's sakes, do it. Or having that cigarette, do it, or going shopping, do it, but **[[🕯️ Mindfulness|do it consciously and make it a choice]]**. It's not a question of forbidding yourself to do anything. That never works in the long term. But of doing it with consciousness, with awareness, if you're going to do it." >— [[👤 Gabor Maté]][^2]^GM7 ###### Emotional Regulation It can be extremely helpful to the addicted parts of us to do a kind of protector hand-off. Remember, an addiction is a [[Protector Strategies 🛡️|Protector Strategy 🛡️]] and [[🔑 the more wounded the Exile, the more extreme the Protector]] – they're a kid with a big job. We can lighten their load by distributing their responsibilities to other [[💡 Parts|Parts]] – by adopting and practicing other strategies with something like the [[🛠 Pendulation Toolkit]] and learning to [[🕯️ Tending to feelings|🕯️ tend to feelings]] in safety. Pairing this with an [[🛠️ Addiction Fast]] may be helpful. ###### Life Curation [[🔑 Our mind is directly influenced by our surroundings]], and addictions are very often provoked by environmental and social cues. [[⭐️ Life Curation]] is an essential for everyone regardless of whether they have an addiction. We can stop hanging out in certain places that remind us of or encourage the addiction, or reorganize our homes. Surprisingly, [[💡 Boredom|Boredom]] is often a cause of relapse because addictions can fill in the gaps of boredom. When we add structure to our days, the more commitments and responsibilities we have, the more hobbies we have, the less bored we are and the less likely we are to get swept up in addictions. Many of us need a reason, a sense of [[Meaning]] or purpose in life with or without an addiction, but having those things can make addictions much easier to drop. See: [[🛠️ Goals and Intentions]]. We can change or cultivate our [[⭐️ Community]], maybe even find a [[Support Groups|Support Group]] to foster social support. Something more severe and life-threatening may require additional support, which could be medical care and/or [[💡 Therapy|Therapy]]. [[🔑 We cannot fully heal in isolation]] and we can find [[🕯️ Resourcing]] through [[⭐️ Community Care]]. Addictions of all types are frequently met with shame, either in the media or when they're discovered in our personal lives. But [[🔑 there are no bad Parts]], and addiction is not something to be ashamed of. The [[💡 Protector Parts|Protectors]] who lean on addictions don't need to be controlled, they need [[☀️ Connection]], [[☀️ Compassion]], [[⭐️ Community]] – they need help. When we feel [[💡 Shame|shame]], it’s a good time for [[🕯️ Resourcing]] — to talk someone we trust and vent those [[⭐️ Emotions]] to them. > "The opposite of addiction is not sobriety, it is human [[☀️ Connection]]." > — [[👤 Johann Hari]] We do not and never have had control over our [[💡 Parts|Parts]] – they try to control each other. Addiction just makes that obvious because our inner-ecosystem is way out of balance. It's not a coincidence that the first step in 12-Step [[Support Groups]] is to acknowledge that our lives have become 'unmanagable.' This is another way of saying 'My [[💡 Protector Parts|Protector Parts]] have given up and want help.' 12-Step [[Support Groups]] essentially help [[💡 Protector Parts|Protector Parts]] exile addicted protectors and then distribute their responsibilities to other protectors. These programs have saved countless lives by equipping strong, socially acceptable [[💡 Protector Parts|Protector Parts]]. However, they are in many ways pathologizing and antiquated; they also don't recognize that [[🔑 There are no bad Parts]] or that [[🔑 Protectors do not like their jobs, but are afraid to stop]], and so they tend to have a lower 'success rate' than they maybe could. As they say, take what helps and leave the rest. It’s also possible that one of the drivers of an addiction is a source of a constant stream of negative or challenging present-day [[⭐️ Emotions]], and by mitigating those the addiction may lessen or even drop. ###### Parts > [!note] > One of the most common subtle [[Protector Strategies 🛡️|Protector Strategies 🛡️]] involved in an addiction or dependence is one of telling us over and over again that we cannot change. It is not true. If the addiction is driven by unmetabolized past experiences ([[💡 Burdens 🪨|Burdens]]), and they often are, but we don't [[🦮 How to Recover from Trauma|🦮 address the pain that our addictions compensate for]], it tends to compound as our parts continue to take on [[💡 Burdens 🪨|Burdens]] and as [[💡 Exiles|Exiles]] are triggered over and over – and [[🔑 The more wounded the Exile, the more extreme the Protector|🔑 the more wounded our Exiles, the more extreme our Protectors]] become *by necessity.* By discovering what pains the addiction is numbing us against, learning other non-numbing ways of [[💡 Emotional Regulation|regulating emotions]], becoming ourselves through [[⭐️ Self-Becoming]], and eventually [[💡 Unburdening|unburdening]] or [[🕯️ Tending to feelings|🦮 metabolizing emotions]] through [[🕯️ Part-Tending]] or organic experiences, and we can start [[🕯️ Resourcing]] and the [[💡 Protector Parts|Protector Parts]] who use addictions can stop doing their job — the drive for the addiction dissolves. At this point, we may still need help with the addiction (especially if it’s biological), but when that something is no longer being used as a [[Protector Strategies 🛡️|Protector Strategy 🛡️]], it becomes *much* easier for the help to actually help. %% The difference between a former alcohol-addicted person who can have a drink and the person who is 'once an addict, always an addict' is: - ...the person who *can* drink isn't drinking to numb emotions (drinking isn't a [[Protector Strategies 🛡️|Protector Strategy 🛡️]]) - ...the person who *can* drink but doesn't is not fueled by desperation to quit (not drinking isn't a [[Protector Strategies 🛡️|Protector Strategy 🛡️]]) - ...the person who *cannot* drink likely still has [[💡 Protector Parts|Protector Parts]] who use the alcohol to soothe other [[💡 Parts|Parts]] All of these are a form of stimulation. Like when people turn the radio down to see better, these turn the radio up. Like when people are on really lovely trips or engaged in what lights them up they may feel much less of a reason to overeat or watch porn. %% ##### Related - [[🔑 Pleasure is not happiness]] - [[💡 Impulsivity#Reduce Impulsivity|Reduce impulsivity]] - [[⭐️ Self-Love]] - [[💡 Acceptance and Commitment Therapy]] - [[🔑 Progress accumulates]]. Non-permissive relapse is part of recovery, not a failure of it. "Progress, not perfection." This is a practice – [[🔑 do it imperfectly]]. ##### Resources - https://endoverdose.net - [Psychotherapy Network | IFS and Addictive Processes](https://www.psychotherapynetworker.org/article/ifs-and-addictive-processes/) - [[📖 Beyond Addiction - How Science and Kindness Help People Change]] [^1]: Anna Lembke [^2]: [[📖 ✅ Embracing All of You - Compassionate Inquiry Meets Internal Family Systems]] Session Five: Physical Illness and Disease [^3]: https://psyche.co/guides/how-to-know-if-youre-addicted-to-alcohol-or-drugs [^4]: [Dr. K’s Deep Dive Into Addiction](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WuKeZKIs9_A)