🔼: [[💡 Emotional Regulation]] #### ⭐️ Co-Regulation Co-Regulation is [[💡 Emotional Regulation]] with external help. > [!NOTE] > Sometimes when someone feels strong [[⭐️ Emotions]] they're actually able to hold and be with them with our help. In that case, they may not need Co-Regulation – they might need [[⭐️ Community Care]]. ###### Keys - [[🔑 Regulation is often mistaken for Care]] - [[🔑 Care, Maintenance, Regulation can overlap and synergize]] - [[🔑 All Emotional Regulation is Co-Regulation]] - [[🔑 Emotional Regulation is not the end goal]] - The more experience we have with Co-Regulation, the easier [[⭐️ Self-Regulation]] becomes. > [!example] Examples > - [[👟 Walking]] outdoors, we co-regulate with nature ###### How to Do It for Another [[🔑 All Emotional Regulation is Co-Regulation]], so Co-Regulation looks quite similar to [[⭐️ Self-Regulation]], but is a bit trickier because we can't read minds. It's important to ask simple questions: - Do you feel safe where we are, or would you like to go somewhere else? - What would feel supportive right now? - Are you looking for reassurance or advice, or do you just want me to listen? - Would you like me to hold you? (Physical contact, especially skin-to-skin contact) - You might offer to guide them through [[🕯️ Breathwork 💨]] or [[🕯️ Grounding]] practices or something else from the [[🛠 Protector Toolkit]]. If we aren't asking at least a couple of questions, the help we offer may not be helpful or might even make the other feel worse (such as with [[🛡️ Fixing and Advice Giving|fixing and advice giving]]). ###### How to Find It If we've been through [[💡 Trauma|Trauma]], it’s normal to have [[💡 Parts|Parts]] who fear that other people are dangerous. The number of people we feel we could [[⭐️ Co-Regulation|co-regulate]] with may be quite small. But we only need a "safe enough" person, or even an animal or the [[⭐️ Outdoors]] like birds and trees. People may be inconsistently willing and available to help, so it's a good idea to have a [[⭐️ Community]] of people we can turn to. It can be helpful to find [[⭐️ Community]], or to spend time with people (even strangers) and pay attention to the way we feel around them, observe the qualities of other people that help us feel safe enough, how we feel both in and out of their presence. [^1]: