🔼: [[💡 Parts|Parts]] ### Exiles The word [[⭐️ Internal Family Systems|Internal Family Systems]] assigns to the [[💡 Parts|parts of us]] who have been locked away in our subconscious, or put in [[💡 The Shadow|the shadow]]. We might also call it “banishing,” “repressing,” ”containing,” or similar. ###### Why Parts are Exiled Many exiles are hurt, afraid or terrified, shamed, young (possibly even preverbal) parts who were [[💡 Trauma|traumatized]] or experienced other overwhelming hurts. They were then contained by [[💡 Protector Parts|Protectors]] for safe keeping. It’s a bit like when we get a splinter. First our [[⭐️ Body|bodies]] first to push it out. If that doesn’t work and help is not available to us, our bodies then isolate and encapsulate the splinter so that it doesn’t hurt the rest of our body. The same thing happens when we experience something [[💡 Trauma|traumatic]] or some kind of emotional wound. After a hurtful experience, we might first try to bring it to someone we trust to help us metabolize it — like a friend or caregiver. We might [[💡 Dreams|dream]] or make art about it or cry it out. If that doesn’t work, it often becomes a [[💡 Burdens 🪨|Burden]]. Our [[💡 Protector Parts|Protectors]] then encapsulate the part of us who carries that emotional splinter in order to protect the rest of our inner-ecosystem — they’re protecting us from the exile’s pain. >"Children don't get traumatized because they get hurt; they get traumatized because they're alone with the hurt." >— [[👤 Gabor Maté]] ^GM1 Protectors know that [[🔑 Exiles are capable of overwhelming us|🔑 exiles are capable of overwhelming us]], and they want to keep us within our [[💡 Window of Tolerance|Window of Tolerance]].[^2] This can look like [[🛡️ Emotional Suppression]] or [[🛡️ Emotional Repression]]. These exiles are essentially frozen in time, stuck at the moment they were hurt. Sometimes parts are exiled more because their [[💡 Protector Parts|Protector(s)]] are trying to do everything they can to make sure they’re never hurt *again*. This can look like [[🛡️ Avoiding]] or [[🛡️ Isolating]] or similar. Sometimes parts are exiled for both their protection *and* ours. --- Some parts might be exiled to protect them from ever being [[💡 Trauma|wounded]] in the first place.[^3] It’s like keeping something precious locked away to prevent it from being damaged or judged. --- A part might also be exiled because they or their behaviors are considered dangerous, [[💡 Shame|shameful]], or socially unacceptable. It’s like an inner-kid being sent to be alone in a room. (See: [[💡 Protectors-in-Exile|Protectors-in-Exile]], [[💡 The Shadow|the shadow]]) This can look like self [[🛡️ Criticizing]] or self-hate, [[🛡️ Denying|🛡️ denial]], blindspots, or [[🛡️ Projection]], and more. --- The tricky thing is that, even in exile, these parts still influence our lives. Even from the dark, without us realizing it, exiles can impact or even hijack our decisions — big or small. These parts aren’t gone, they’ve just been put out of sight. They’re still somewhere in our inner-landscape, still part of the ecosystem. --- Exiles are often the youngest, most vulnerable parts of ourselves. Somehow, they are also our wisest and most creative.[^1] Most exiles are carrying one or multiple [[💡 Burdens 🪨#The Burdens of Wounded Parts|burdens 🪨]] — they might be [[🪨 Personal Burdens]] or [[🪨 Inherited Burdens]]. When we are safe and better resourced, and when these parts are able to [[💡 Unburdening|unburden]] through some sort of inner or outer experience, they are free to return to their true nature or authentic selves. This aids our [[⭐️ Self-Becoming]]. %% - Inner-ostracizing; compartmentalizing %% ###### The Basics - [[🔑 Hold labels loosely]] - [[🔑 Exiles are capable of overwhelming us]] - [[🔑 Most parts can choose to not overwhelm us if asked]] - [[🔑 One part can have multiple burdens]] - [[🔑 Protectors can guard multiple Exiles, and Exiles can have multiple Protectors]] - [[🔑 Multiple exiles can be stuck in the same point in time]] - [[🔑 Exiles cannot be reasoned out of or simply get over their pain]] - [[🔑 Exiles have a Drive For Redemption]] - [[🔑 Presence can give exiles the healing they seek]] - [[🔑 Exiles both fear and long for connection]] - [[🔑 Protectors can let go of their roles when their exiles are unburdened]] - [[🔑 Parts can use our minds and bodies to get or distract our attention]] - [[🔑 Exiles often cluster together]] - [[🔑 It can be dangerous to approach Exiles unassisted]] ###### Exile Trailheads - Some exiles manifest with an image, voice, body sensation — and some may be pre-verbal. There may not be much image or concrete thought; these [[💡 Trailheads|trailheads]] are likely more energetic and sensed than storied.[^1] ###### Common Exile Fears - [[🔑 Exiles both fear and long for connection]] - Is it really safe to show myself? - Where have you been all these years? - Is this real? Am I healing or am I going to once again be known and then thrown away? - Will I be hurt again? ###### Related - [[💡 Protectors-in-Exile]] - [[💡 The Shadow]] - [[🦮 How to Help Wounded Parts]] [^1]: [[📖 ✅ IFS Online Circle]] Month 2: The Protective System & Fears of the Protectors - Month 2 with Toni