🔼: [[💡 Parts]] ### Exiles >"Children don't get traumatized because they get hurt; they get traumatized because they're alone with the hurt." >— [[👤 Gabor Maté]] ^GM1 The word [[⭐️ Internal Family Systems|Internal Family Systems]] assigns to the [[💡 Parts|parts of us]] who have been locked away in our subconscious. Many are wounded, terrified, shamed, [[💡 Burdens 🪨|burdened]] (possibly even preverbal) [[💡 Parts|Parts]] who were [[💡 Trauma|traumatized]] or experienced other overwhelming hurts and were then contained by [[💡 Protector Parts|Protectors]] for safe keeping. These are the ones whose pain our [[💡 Protector Parts|Protectors]] are either protecting or protecting us from. They are essentially frozen in time, stuck at the moment they were hurt. But [[🔑 we will always have Parts]] — even in exile, these parts still affect our lives. Most often, these are the youngest, most vulnerable parts of ourselves. Somehow, they are also our wisest.[^1] Once our Exiles are able to [[💡 Unburdening|unburden]], they are free to return to their true nature or authentic selves. %% - Inner-ostracizing; compartmentalizing %% ###### The Basics - [[🔑 Hold labels loosely]] - [[🔑 Exiles are capable of overwhelming us]] - [[🔑 Most parts can choose to not overwhelm us if asked]] - [[🔑 One part can have multiple burdens]] - [[🔑 Protectors can guard multiple Exiles, and Exiles can have multiple Protectors]] - [[🔑 Multiple exiles can be stuck in the same point in time]] - [[🔑 Exiles cannot be reasoned out of or simply get over their pain]] - [[🔑 Exiles have a Drive For Redemption]] - [[🔑 Presence can give exiles the healing they seek]] - [[🔑 Exiles both fear and long for connection]] - [[🔑 Protectors can let go of their roles when their exiles are unburdened]] - [[🔑 Parts use our minds and bodies to get or distract our attention]] - [[🔑 Exiles often cluster together]] - [[🔑 It can be dangerous to approach Exiles unassisted]] ###### Why Parts are Exiled - They have been wounded and [[💡 Burdens 🪨|Burdened 🪨]], so their [[💡 Protector Parts|Protector(s)]] do everything they can to make sure they’re never hurt again. When we get a splinter, our [[⭐️ Body|bodies]] first try to get it out. If that doesn’t work and help is not available to us, our [[⭐️ Body|bodies]] isolate and encapsulate the splinter so that it doesn’t hurt the rest of our [[⭐️ Body|body]]. The same thing happens when we experience something [[💡 Trauma|traumatic]]. After such an overwhelming experience, we might first try to bring it to someone we trust for help — a friend or caregiver. We might [[💡 Dreams|dream]] or make art about it. If that doesn’t work, it becomes a [[💡 Burdens 🪨|Burden]]. Our [[💡 Protector Parts|Protectors]] then sequester the [[💡 Parts|Parts]] who carry these psychological splinters in order to protect the rest of our inner-ecosystem. [[🔑 Exiles are sequestered for their own safety or to protect the rest of the system]] - Because our [[💡 Protector Parts|Protectors]] know that [[🔑 Exiles are capable of overwhelming us|🔑 exiles are capable of overwhelming us]]. They want to keep us within our [[💡 Window of Tolerance|Window of Tolerance]] and by keeping [[💡 Exiles|Exiles]] contained and hidden away to protect the rest of the ecosystem from their [[⭐️ Emotions|emotions]].[^2] - To protect them from ever being [[💡 Trauma|wounded]] in the first place.[^3] (See: [[🪨 Inherited Burdens]]) - Because they or their [[Protector Strategies 🛡️]] are considered dangerous, [[💡 Shame|shameful]], or socially unacceptable. (See: [[💡 Protectors-in-Exile]], [[💡 The Shadow]]) ![[💡 Burdens 🪨#The Burdens of Wounded Parts|burdens]] ###### Trailheads - Some Exiles may be pre-verbal. There may not be much image or concrete thought; these trailheads are likely more energetic and sensed than storied.[^1] ###### Common Exile Fears - [[🔑 Exiles both fear and long for connection]] - Is it really safe to show myself? - Where have you been all these years? - Is this real? Am I healing or am I going to once again be known and then thrown away? - Will I be hurt again? ###### Related - [[💡 Protectors-in-Exile]] - [[💡 The Shadow]] - [[🦮 How to Help Wounded Parts]] [^1]: [[📖 ✅ IFS Online Circle]] Month 2: The Protective System & Fears of the Protectors - Month 2 with Toni