🔼: [[💡 Cognitive Distortions]] ##### Should Statements [[💡 Parts|Parts]] often [[🛡️ Criticizing|🛡️ criticize]] other parts, themselves, us, or other people or things with words like "should," "shouldn't," "ought," "can't," "must," and "have-to." We don’t do many of them, otherwise they wouldn’t call them what we should do, just things we do. > [!example] Examples > - "I shouldn't feel so shy and nervous. What's wrong with me?" > - "I can't eat that." > - "They shouldn't talk like that." > - "I want this so bad, but I have to do this instead." > > ###### Reframing Shoulds > - "I should do that," > "I want to do that." > - "It should still be there," > "I expect it's still open." These come from our conditioning — [[🪨 Inherited Burdens]], internalizing expectations, [[💡 Extrinsic Motivation|Extrinsic Motivation]]. They are frequently other people’s [[⭐ Values]] being imposed on others. ###### See Also - [[🔑 Don't stay where you don't want to be]] - [[🔑 Rules and words of wisdom have limited value]] ###### Related - [[💡 Shame|Shame]]