🔼: [[Protector Strategies 🛡️]] ##### 🛡️ Performing When we’re performing, some [[💡 Parts|part]] of us is convinced that it isn’t safe or wise to tell the truth or to let people witness the fullness of who we are. ###### Why we perform [[🔑 Protectors are dedicated to maintaining their idea of safety, balance and homeostasis|🔑 Our protectors are doing their best to keep us safe and happy]], and their fears motivate them to do and be what they must in order to keep people close, to make us a “good” person, and to get our various [[⭐️ Needs]] met. Very few children are allowed to be both accepted and their [[🕯️ Integrity|authentic]] selves. This learning is applied to their entire life, and life becomes a performance. We might have grown up in a particular family or culture that taught us (sometimes accidentally) that we ”[[💡 Should Statements|should]]” be this or that, that we “should” have this body, this job, this relationship, this preference, and that to be otherwise would be bad (as opposed to just different). The possibility of inner or outer [[🛡️ Criticizing]] or a [[🕯️ Generative Conflict|Conflict]], a [[Fear of Abandonment]] or worse can be at the center of performing. Authenticity can highlight a lack of [[Compatibility]] which can lead to relational distance or even economic consequences. Performance can also be aspirational, in which case it points to our [[⭐ Values]]. [[✍️ We live in a traumatized world]] and [[💡 Trauma|trauma]] makes actors of us all. > “*Sometimes you have to play a long time to be able to play like yourself.*” > — Miles Davis ###### Examples of Performing %% Manufactured Authenticity, trying to re-create an authentic moment after the fact. Performance as masking (the facade, an attempt to control others perceptions) vs resourcing or drawing up something out of the well of our experience, calling on and demonstrating it. Christmas and birthdays out of a sense of obligation rather than as an expressions of love. Performing vs peacocking? Sometimes it’s effort, and there’s sincerity in the efforting. - The Curse - Nathan for You (Smoker's Allowed) %% - [[🕯️ Love]] - [[🛡️ Masking]] - [[🛡️ Spiritual Materialism]] - [[🛡️ People-Pleasing]] - [[🛡️ Presence-ing]] - [[🛡️ Perfectionism]] - Virtue-Signaling - Being a “poser” - Adhering to rules, [[💡 Should Statements|Shoulds]], or checking boxes - [[🔑 Rules and words of wisdom have limited value]] - [[Instrumental Language]] - [[🛡️ Manipulating]] - ”Crocodile Tears” ###### Ending Performance See: [[🕯️ Integrity]]. [^1]: