🔼: [[💡 Therapy]], [[💡 Systems Thinking]] ##### Compassionate Inquiry (CI) A therapeutic modality created by [[👤 Gabor Maté]], *very* similar to [[⭐️ Internal Family Systems]]. Compassionate Inquiry is about getting to the bottom of psychological problems and getting passed them by asking Socratic questions (which helps clients [[🕯️ Unblending|unblend]] extremely quickly) and bringing in perspectives that might be helpful to the person. It's still from systems thinking, but (according to Maté) is less methodical and more intuitive than IFS. It's not as linear or sequential as IFS. The intention is to help the person come into contact with themselves in the present moment, rather than reacting to the past — because trauma (and addictions or other protectors) causes us to lose contact with ourself and escape the present moment. It's about achieving a certain level of "emotional competence."[^1] ![[The Goals of Compassionate Inquiry]] ##### Four Irreducible Needs[^1] Compassionate Inquiry operates on the assumption that everyone has four irreducible needs, meaning if those needs are not met, there are negative consequences. ###### [[💡 Attachment Theory|Attachment]] We have to belong to somebody — to take care of or be taken care of by someone. Both parents and children have this attachment drive. Parents are told to deprive their child of connection when the child gets angry. To send them away to be by themselves, to threaten to take that attachment away. ###### [[⭐️ Rest and Restoration]] Rest from having to make a relationship work. A child needs not to have to work to keep a loving relationship with their parents, because in that rest allows children to grow emotionally and physically. Without that rest, development is interrupted. ###### The Capacity to Feel Our [[⭐️ Emotions|Emotions]] Many grow up without the freedom to experience their emotions or be their authentic selves. Some emotions are acceptable, others get pushed down or [[💡 Exiles|exiled]]. Children can either [[🔑 We have a right and responsibility to say No|hold onto their no]] and [[🕯️ Boundaries|their autonomy]] or they can stay attached to their parents — which is no choice at all. Authenticity gets sacrificed every time. ###### Free, Spontaneous [[💡 Play]] We need love and attending to for who we are rather than what we do or look like or how we perform. We need approval, to feel special, to feel esteemed and valued just because we exist. To feel worthy in our own skin as we are. If we don't get those things from our caregivers, it becomes dangerous to ask for them, so we change our behaviors. If we want someone to like us, we're very nice to them so they might like us. If we aren't loved for who we are, we might become charming so people will love us. If we aren't valued, we might try to meet someone else's expectations. If we aren't paid attention to, we might want to make ourselves attractive. Compassionate Inquiry is about asking questions that help us uncover how these changes developed, what the impacts of those are on our current life. ##### The Five Levels of [[☀️ Compassion|Compassion]][^1] For Maté and CI, compassion is far more important than any modality or methodology. He suggests there are five levels of compassion. ###### Ordinary human compassion. Extremely common — even those we would describe as the worst among us have this kind of compassion for someone, even their pets. "Compassion is when you don't want somebody else to suffer, and when they suffer you suffer with them. That's what compassion means — to suffer with." ###### Compassion of Understanding You can't help somebody just because you don't like to see them suffer. You have to understand the reason behind it. ###### Compassion of Recognition Recognizing ourselves in suffering people. We aren't mechanics fixing other people, we are equals. ###### Compassion of Truth If our only goal is to make pain go away, there are truths we may not discover. Getting to that truth is much more important. We don't deliberately trigger pain, but we don't try to hide or protect a person from it. ###### Compassion of Possibility We have to see beyond a person's behaviors and symptoms; beyond the stories they tell about themselves and their demeanor to see the [[💡 Presence|Presence]] beneath it all. We have to see it and mirror it back to them so they can see themselves. The CI practitioner is that mirror for whoever they're helping. ##### Best Practices for Working with Compassionate Inquiry[^1] - Listen to Self for what arises in the moment - Invite contact with ourselves in the present moment - Identify the felt senses in the body - Invite curiosity with what-if questions - After an inquiry is offered, acknowledge the response with compassion - "Where have I not said no today?" - Notice when you aren't being yourself. - Notice when guilt comes up when you're honoring yourself. ##### Stepping Stones of Compassionate Inquiry 1. If you get the adaptations out of the way, aspects of the genuine human being naturally arise 2. Compassion is more important than any particular method. ##### Related - [[Internal Family Systems and Compassionate Inquiry Compared]] [^1]: [[📖 ✅ Embracing All of You - Compassionate Inquiry Meets Internal Family Systems]] Session Three: Overview of Compassionate Inquiry