🔼: [[🛡️ Controlling]], [[🛡️ Fawn]] ###### Fixing and Advice Giving[^1] Fixing is a [[Protector Strategies 🛡️|Protector Strategy 🛡️]], often employed when a [[💡 Protector Parts|Protector]] in one person is activated by a [[💡 Parts|Part]] in someone else. This is a form of [[🛡️ Controlling]], trying to rush someone through pain and back to being happy at our [[💡 Protector Parts|Protector’s]] pace, before the other person is ready. Often this is an effort to protect us from the [[⭐️ Emotions]] that arise when we get close to pain, and might inspire a response similar to "You're only saying that to make me feel better." > [!example] Examples > - "Don’t feel bad, it's not your fault, of course you blamed yourself, that's natural for a child to do. It was your survival strategy." > - Unsolicited advice. It isn’t attending to the feeling, it just tries to fix a problem. Giving unsolicited advice erodes self-trust in the person the advice is given to. It adds one more voice to the tangle of [[💡 Parts|Parts]] trying to solve the problem. It comes from a [[💡 Protector Parts|Protector]] in the advice-giver who struggles to tolerate discomfort. But discomfort isn't bad, and giving unsolcited advice can make something worse by them feeling controlled, by stoking inner-conflict, or by leading a person away from their [[⭐️ Inner-Compass]] so that they get thrown off course and end up somewhere they never wanted to be. The advice we give is what we would see ourselves doing, which is informed by our own experience, our own goals, our own desires, our own preferences. Our job as compassionate people is to teach others to sit with pain and be okay. So much of what we see in the world today are people who don’t know how to sit with pain inflicting pain on other people. Fixing is easy, [[⭐️ Community Care]] takes more awareness. ![[💡 Reactive Protectors#Working with Reactive Protectors|Reactive Protector]] [^1]: [[📖 ✅ Atlas of the Heart (Show)]] Episode 5