##### 🔑 ”If it’s intense, it’s yours” - I am not annoying, something in you has been annoyed. - They are not cringey, something in me has cringed. - We are not bad, something in them is feeling critical. We don’t have to claim other people’s assessments of us, positive or negative. [[🔑 We can only love someone's parts as much as we love similar parts of ourselves]]. Meanwhile, if we lack the [[☀️ Clarity]] or the [[🕯️ Mindfulness]] to see when our own [[💡 Exiles|exiles]] are activated, [[💡 Protector Parts|Protectors]] are likely to [[💡 Blending|blend]] and react, which is likely to trigger the other party's protectors[^1] and often leads to external [[💡 Polarization|polarization]]. When our parts react:[^1] - First: it's about our own parts, otherwise the reaction wouldn’t be so intense. - Second: it's about the other person, it may give us information about their parts. Check in with your parts first before engaging the other person.[^1] - A [[🕯️ Fire Drill (You-Turn)]] can help parts be seen and feel safe to [[🕯️ Unblending|unblend]]. If you say you'll come back to them and don't, these reactions will only become bigger and stronger. Take the time to listen to yourself. - If this reaction happens over and over it's a [[💡 Trailheads|trailhead]] and an opportunity to explore our inner-ecosystem. ###### Related - [[💡 Transference]] - [[🛡️ Projection]] [^1]: [[📖 ✅ IFS Online Circle]] Month 5 - Parts of the Therapist and the Therapeutic Relationship + Integration - The Therapeutic Relationship