##### 🔑 ”If it’s intense, it’s yours”
- I am not annoying, something in you has been annoyed.
- They are not cringey, something in me has cringed.
- We are not bad, something in them is feeling critical.
We don’t have to claim other people’s assessments of us, positive or negative.
[[🔑 We can only love someone's parts as much as we love similar parts of ourselves]]. Meanwhile, if we lack the [[☀️ Clarity]] or the [[🕯️ Mindfulness]] to see when our own [[💡 Exiles|exiles]] are activated, [[💡 Protector Parts|Protectors]] are likely to [[💡 Blending|blend]] and react, which is likely to trigger the other party's protectors[^1] and often leads to external [[💡 Polarization|polarization]].
When our parts react:[^1]
- First: it's about our own parts, otherwise the reaction wouldn’t be so intense.
- Second: it's about the other person, it may give us information about their parts.
Check in with your parts first before engaging the other person.[^1]
- A [[🕯️ Fire Drill (You-Turn)]] can help parts be seen and feel safe to [[🕯️ Unblending|unblend]]. If you say you'll come back to them and don't, these reactions will only become bigger and stronger. Take the time to listen to yourself.
- If this reaction happens over and over it's a [[💡 Trailheads|trailhead]] and an opportunity to explore our inner-ecosystem.
###### Related
- [[💡 Transference]]
- [[🛡️ Projection]]
[^1]: [[📖 ✅ IFS Online Circle]] Month 5 - Parts of the Therapist and the Therapeutic Relationship + Integration - The Therapeutic Relationship