##### 🔑 If the response is above a five it’s about something else (Note: there may well be exceptions to this. These aren’t calcified rules, but flexible guidelines or tendencies. Hold them lightly.) If we have a strong emotional reaction to someone, something, or someplace such as [[hatred|hate]], [[💡 Fear|fear]], [[💡 Anxiety|anxiety]], [[💡 Obsessions|Obsessions]], or intense desire, if their presence feels heavy and takes up a lot of [[💡 Cognitive Load|space in our mind]], there’s likely something else at play. It might be emotional resonance. It might be [[🛡️ Projection]] or [[💡 Transference|transference]], some [[💡 Parts|Part]] of us who is holding onto something we’ve yet to metabolize and they’re being stirred by a part of the other person or situation. This is what some call an [[💡 Emotional Flashback|Emotional Flashback]]. - I am not annoying, something in you has been annoyed. - They are not cringey, something in me has cringed. - We are not bad, something in them is feeling critical. We don’t have to claim other people’s assessments of us, positive or negative. [[🔑 We can only love someone's parts as much as we love similar parts of ourselves]]. Meanwhile, if we lack the [[☀️ Clarity]] or the [[🕯️ Mindfulness]] to see when our own [[💡 Exiles|exiles]] are activated, [[💡 Protector Parts|Protectors]] are likely to [[💡 Blending|blend]] and react, which is likely to trigger the other party's protectors[^1] and often leads to external [[💡 Polarization|polarization]]. When our parts react:[^1] - First: it's about our own parts, otherwise the reaction wouldn’t be so intense. - Second: it's about the other person, it may give us information about their parts. Check in with your parts first before engaging the other person.[^1] - A [[🕯️ Fire Drill (You-Turn)]] can help parts be seen and feel safe to [[🕯️ Unblending|unblend]]. If you say you'll come back to them and don't, these reactions will only become bigger and stronger. Take the time to listen to yourself. - If this reaction happens over and over it's a [[💡 Trailheads|trailhead]] and an opportunity to [[🕯️ Part-Tending|🕯️ explore our inner-ecosystem]]. [^1]: [[📖 ✅ IFS Online Circle]] Month 5 - Parts of the Therapist and the Therapeutic Relationship + Integration - The Therapeutic Relationship