###### 🔑 Protectors need to be genuinely befriended Most of us probably have a memory of scraping our knee and then saying “Don’t touch it,” when someone tries to help us. In this image, the scraped knee is an [[💡 Exiles|Exile]], the child is a [[💡 Protector Parts|Protector]], and [[💡 Presence|Presence]] is the adult who can apply a balm to help the wound heal. It’s true that if we do nothing the wound could go unhealed or even worsen, but [[🔑 Presence does not bypass Protectors]]. If we were to immediately start poking, prodding, and spraying stinging medicine on the knee we would immediately lose any trust that child had in us and risk either further injuring the knee or our relationship the child or both, and that can cause a chain reaction through our entire inner-ecosystem. Even though we know exactly what the wound needs, if we treat it without permission we are no longer doing it for them — we’re doing it to them, and we can expect them to be hurt and angry about it. That child is not simply a barrier between a knee and a healing ointment — they are a person who is only doing their best to keep that exile (and us) safe. [[🔑 Protectors are parentified children]]. They don’t necessarily believe that the wound can be healed — they just know it hurts and they don’t want it to get any worse. Our intention is to earn the child’s trust, not only so they’ll let us treat the scrape, but because every child is important and deserving of love. The same is true for our [[💡 Protector Parts|Protectors]] and their [[💡 Exiles|Exiles]]. Rather than forcing our way to the [[💡 Exiles|Exile]] we put genuine effort into understanding and [[F5 — BeFriend the Part|Befriending]] our [[💡 Protector Parts|Protectors]] as [[💡 Presence|Presence]] — from a place of genuine compassion, so they understand that we take [[F6 — Learn their Fears|their fears]] seriously and will not touch anything without permission and that we aren’t just giving them attention to fix their knee. It’s important that [[💡 Protector Parts|Protectors]] feel [[💡 Appreciation|appreciated]] for doing their jobs the best they could and that they feel safe letting us tend to the [[💡 Exiles|Exiles]] they protect. Most of us have several scraped knees that our protectors have hidden so well that we might not be aware of them at all. IFS slowly brings the unconscious into awareness. It’s a process of getting to know the part of the iceberg we don’t normally get to see. [[🔑 Go at your pace]]. Just making contact, checking in and getting even the tiniest bit more familiar with a part, is progress — even if nothing changes. [[🔑 The time we spend with our Protectors is just as valuable as the time we spend with our Exiles]]. [^1]: