##### 🔑 We need each other It's a common misconception that [[🕯️ Self-Stewardship]] and [[⭐️ Self-Care]] mean meeting all of our own needs, being totally self-sufficient and not needing or wanting intimate [[⭐️ Relationships]], attunement, or for other people to love and take care of us. Each of us has something to offer. Each of us is missing something we need. We are *always* [[💡 Interdependence|interdependent]], whether we can recognize it or not. Nobody does anything alone. We’ve likely heard of the “lone wolf,” but this is propaganda grounded in western individualism — in nature, there is no such thing. If somebody doesn't need help, it's because they already have it. And if one of us is hurt, in some way all of us are hurt. It’s difficult to be [[💡 Resilience|resilient]] on our own, but going through hard things with the right people is where the good stuff is. It makes sense for someone to look outside of themself for the love of another person. We all have have a need and a drive for [[☀️ Connection]] and [[🕯️ Love]]. It's part of our humanity and why we seek [[⭐️ Relationships]].[^1] True, it's important to be able to [[🕯️ Unblending|unblend]] and to be present for [[💡 Parts|Parts]] of us who were neglected or wounded in childhood, but that doesn’t mean we’re expected to meet all of our needs or that we don't need other people. In a sense, [[🔑 there is no such thing as Self-Care]] — our external needs and connections are important to our well-being. It's not [[💡 Black-and-White Thinking|either/or]], it's both/and. Therapists have therapists, coaches have coaches, some have both – no one is immune to life's many complications and *nobody can solve all their problems on their own*. All of us must teach and learn from each other. Life is not a story with a single main character who saves the world – this is a [[⭐️ Community]] project. We are in this together, no one is in charge, no one has the full picture, and *everyone* needs support. In cultures like ours, which prioritizes individualism, we have a hard time reaching out to others and making requests for support. We can't always see ourselves clearly, or realize our mistakes while making them. We need people who can act as mirrors to help us to see ourselves more widely, our [[💡 The Shadow|shadows]], blindspots, and biases – or for [[🛡️ Projection|Projection]] to highlight them for us. Memorizing a list of [[💡 Cognitive Distortions|cognitive distortions]], biases, and fallacies isn’t enough. ###### Related - Consider [[☀️ Connection]] and [[🕯️ Resourcing]]: Reach out to a loved one, friend, sponsor, therapist — someone who feels safe enough. - [[✍️ The Myth of Self-Reliance]] %% Many philosophical and spiritual traditions align with the idea that intimacy, connection, and mutual recognition are central to a meaningful life. Below are a few that might resonate, avoiding overly “new age” perspectives while remaining deeply insightful and grounded: 1. Existentialism (Philosophy) - Existentialist philosophers like Martin Buber and Jean-Paul Sartre explore the importance of authentic relationships. - Martin Buber’s “I-Thou” relationship emphasizes true intimacy and presence. When we encounter others not as objects (“It”) but as full beings (“Thou”), we engage in meaningful, transformative relationships. Buber saw this mode of relationship as extending to others, nature, and even the divine. - Existentialists also highlight the need for authenticity, being true to oneself and others, which requires self-awareness and courage in relationships. 2. Ubuntu (African Philosophy) - Ubuntu, often summarized as “I am because we are,” is a Southern African philosophy that emphasizes interconnectedness and mutual recognition. It teaches that a person’s identity and humanity are rooted in their relationships with others. - It celebrates community, compassion, and the recognition that our well-being is tied to the well-being of others. Ubuntu holds that knowing and loving others deepens our sense of self. 3. Sufism (Islamic Mysticism) - Sufism emphasizes the importance of love and intimacy with the Divine, which translates into love and compassion for others. - The Sufi poet Rumi wrote extensively about human love as a path to divine connection, often portraying love as the force that breaks down barriers between individuals and between humans and the sacred. - Sufi practices, such as dhikr (remembrance), cultivate intimacy not only with God but also with one’s deeper self and the community. 4. Mahayana Buddhism (Relational Awakening) - Mahayana Buddhism focuses on interdependence (pratītyasamutpāda) and compassion (karuṇā). It teaches that all beings are deeply interconnected, and realizing this truth fosters love and care for others. - Metta (loving-kindness) meditation involves cultivating a deep sense of love and compassion for oneself, others, and all sentient beings. - The Bodhisattva ideal in Mahayana Buddhism reflects an ongoing commitment to relational intimacy through serving others while seeking enlightenment. 5. Jewish Tradition (Relational Ethics) - The Jewish concept of tikkun olam (“repairing the world”) centers on mutual responsibility and the importance of creating a better, more just world through relationship and community. - The Torah often highlights the value of knowing oneself and others through ethical relationships, with an emphasis on empathy, care, and justice. 6. Stoicism (Philosophy) - While often seen as individualistic, Stoicism places high value on relationships and communal duties. The Stoic idea of oikeiôsis describes the natural human inclination to care for oneself and, over time, expand this care to include family, friends, and humanity at large. - The Stoics emphasized living in harmony with nature, oneself, and others, recognizing shared humanity and fostering rational, compassionate relationships. 7. Daoism (Taoism) - Daoism sees all things as interconnected and flowing within the Dao (Way). Intimacy is cultivated by aligning oneself with the natural flow of life, fostering harmony within oneself and in relationships. - Intimacy in Daoism isn’t forced; it arises naturally when we live authentically and let go of ego-driven barriers. 8. Christian Mysticism (Intimacy with God and Others) - Christian mystics like Julian of Norwich and Meister Eckhart emphasize love as the central path to God and to others. The intimacy with God is reflected in one’s ability to love others authentically and selflessly. - The teachings of Jesus in the New Testament, particularly around love and forgiveness, highlight the relational and communal aspects of spiritual life. 9. Indigenous Spiritualities - Many Indigenous traditions worldwide emphasize kinship and relationality. Connection to the earth, ancestors, and community is seen as sacred, and knowing oneself is deeply tied to knowing others and the natural world. - For example, the Lakota concept of Mitákuye Oyás’iŋ (“All my relations”) recognizes that all beings are interconnected and part of a larger whole. 10. Confucianism - Confucianism prioritizes harmonious relationships and the cultivation of virtues such as ren (humaneness or loving-kindness). It sees interpersonal relationships as the foundation of a good life. - The philosophy emphasizes the importance of mutual respect, care, and understanding within families and communities. 11. Process Theology (Western Theology) - Process theology (influenced by Alfred North Whitehead) views reality as relational and dynamic, with God seen as intimately involved in the world through relationships. The universe unfolds in a web of interconnection, and human flourishing comes from recognizing and deepening these connections. These philosophies and traditions, though diverse, converge on the idea that intimacy, connection, and mutual recognition are at the heart of human existence. They also highlight the need for self-knowledge and the importance of reciprocity in relationships. Each offers practices or frameworks that can deepen intimacy and guide one toward a life rooted in meaningful connection. %% [^1]: [[📖 ✅ IFS Online Circle]] Month 4 - Conflicting but Complimentary & Direct Access and In-Sight: A Decision - Month 4 with Toni Herbine-Blank