# Pete Walker's 13 Steps to Managing Emotional Flashbacks [[On Tools, Skills, and Practices...]] Type: Use: [[🛠 Self-Soothing]] > [!NOTE] > *I prefer the [[#From Reddit[ 2]|this version]] over the original. I’ve also translated this list into the [[⭐️ Internal Family Systems|IFS]] framework: [[🦮 How to Soothe Triggered Parts]].* ###### Original Version [^1] 1. Say to yourself: "I am having a flashback." Flashbacks take us into a timeless part of the psyche that feels as helpless, hopeless and surrounded by danger as we were in childhood. The feelings and sensations you are experiencing are past memories that cannot hurt you now. 2. Remind yourself: "I feel afraid but I am not in danger! I am safe now, here in the present." Remember you are now in the safety of the present, far from the danger of the past. 3. Own your right/need to have boundaries. Remind yourself that you do not have to allow anyone to mistreat you; you are free to leave dangerous situations and protest unfair behavior. 4. Speak reassuringly to your Inner Child. The child needs to know that you love her unconditionally– that she can come to you for comfort and protection when she feels lost and scared. 5. Deconstruct eternity thinking. In childhood, fear and abandonment felt endless—a safer future was unimaginable. Remember the flashback will pass as it has many times before 6. Remind yourself that you are in an adult body with allies, skills and resources to protect you that you never had as a child. (Feeling small and little is a sure sign of a flashback.) 7. Ease back into your body. Fear launches us into "heady" worrying, or numbing and spacing out. - Gently ask your body to relax. Feel each of your major muscle groups and softly encourage them to relax. (Tightened musculature sends unnecessary danger signals to the brain.) - Breathe deeply and slowly. (Holding the breath also signals danger.) - Slow down. Rushing presses the psyche's panic button. - Find a safe place to unwind and soothe yourself: wrap yourself in a blanket, hold a stuffed animal, lie down in a closet or a bath, take a nap. - Feel the fear in your body without reacting to it. Fear is just an energy in your body that cannot hurt you if you do not run from it or react self\-destructively to it. 8. Resist the Inner Critic's catastrophizing. (a) Use thought-stopping to halt its exaggeration of danger and need to control the uncontrollable. Refuse to shame, hate or abandon yourself. Channel the anger of self-attack into saying no to unfair self-criticism. (b) Use thought-substitution to replace negative thinking with a memorized list of your qualities and accomplishments. 9. Allow yourself to grieve. Flashbacks are opportunities to release old, unexpressed feelings of fear, hurt, and abandonment, and to validate—and then soothe—the child's past experience of helplessness and hopelessness. Healthy grieving can turn our tears into self\-compassion and our anger into self\-protection. 10. Cultivate safe relationships and seek support. Take time alone when you need it, but don't let shame isolate you. Feeling shame doesn't mean you are shameful. Educate those close to you about flashbacks and ask them to help you talk and feel your way through them. 11. Learn to identify the types of triggers that lead to flashbacks. Avoid unsafe people, places, activities and triggering mental processes. Practice preventive maintenance with these steps when triggering situations are unavoidable. 12. Figure out what you are flashing back to. Flashbacks are opportunities to discover, validate and heal our wounds from past abuse and abandonment. They also point to our still\-unmet developmental needs and can provide motivation to get them met. 13. Be patient with a slow recovery process. It takes time in the present to become un-adrenalized, and considerable time in the future to gradually decrease the intensity, duration and frequency of flashbacks. Real recovery is a gradual process—often two steps forward, one step back. Don't beat yourself up for having a flashback. --- ###### From Reddit[^2] 1. "[NAME], I know it's tough right now, but you're not alone in this. Flashbacks can be scary, but it's important to remember that they're just memories from the past. These feelings might feel overwhelming, but they can't harm you in the present. Just remember, you're safe here and now."💗 Do you recognize that you're having a flashback and that the feelings you're experiencing are from the past, not the present? 2. "[NAME], I hear you when you say you're feeling afraid. It's important to remind yourself that even though you feel scared, you're not actually in danger. You're safe now, here in the present moment. Try taking a few deep breaths, and focus on your surroundings. Notice the things around you that help you feel grounded and secure."💙 Can you remind yourself that you're safe in the present moment and take a few deep breaths to help you feel more grounded? 3. "[NAME], remember that you have the right and the power to set boundaries. You don't have to tolerate any mistreatment or unfair behavior. It's okay to speak up for yourself, and to remove yourself from situations that make you feel unsafe or uncomfortable. You deserve to feel respected and protected."💚Can you identify any boundaries that need to be asserted or enforced right now? 4. "[NAME], it's important to show love and kindness to your inner child during this difficult time. Imagine wrapping your arms around that scared, vulnerable part of yourself and telling them that they're safe now, that you're here to protect them, and that they can come to you for comfort whenever they need it. Remind them that they're not alone, and that you'll always be there to take care of them."💕Can you offer reassurance and comfort to your inner child, letting them know they are safe and not alone? 5. "[NAME], flashbacks can make it feel like the painful feelings will never end, but remember that they're just temporary. They might feel intense and overwhelming now, but they will eventually pass. Try repeating to yourself, 'I can get through this, it won't last forever.' You've made it through flashbacks before, and you will make it through this one too."💛 Can you remind yourself that this flashback is temporary and repeat a positive affirmation to help you get through it?" 6. "[NAME], you're not that helpless, powerless child anymore. You've grown, and you've developed skills and resources to protect and support yourself. Remember that you have friends, family, and other allies who care about you and want to help. You're stronger than you think, and you're not alone in this."🧡Can you think of at least one person or resource that can help support you right now? 7. "[NAME], it's important to reconnect with your body during a flashback. Notice any areas of tension or tightness, and gently encourage your muscles to relax. Breathe deeply, and focus on the sensations of the breath moving in and out of your body. Allow yourself to slow down, and take your time. Remember that there's no rush, and that you can take as long as you need to feel grounded and present."🤎Are you able to reconnect with your body and practice some relaxation techniques to help calm yourself? 8. "[NAME], your inner critic might try to exaggerate the danger or make the situation seem worse than it is. Try not to engage with these negative thoughts or give them power. Instead, use thought-stopping techniques like repeating a positive affirmation, or visualizing a peaceful scene. You can also replace negative thoughts with positive ones, focusing on your strengths and accomplishments. You're capable and resilient, and you have the power to overcome these challenging moments."🧡Can you resist the negative thoughts and use thought-stopping techniques or thought-substitution to refocus your attention on positive, empowering thoughts? 9. "[NAME], it's important to allow yourself to grieve and process your emotions during and after a flashback. Allow yourself to cry if you need to, or express your anger in a healthy way like through journaling or exercise. Remember that your feelings are valid and important, and that you deserve to be heard and understood. You're not weak for feeling scared or sad, and you don't have to face these feelings alone."🤗 Can you allow yourself to feel and process your emotions, and perhaps express them through a healthy outlet? 10. "[NAME], you don't have to face this alone. Reach out to supportive friends, family, or a mental health professional to talk about your experience and get the support you need. Sharing your feelings and experiences with others can help you feel validated and understood, and can also provide fresh perspectives and new coping strategies. Remember that it's okay to ask for help, and that seeking support is a sign of strength, not weakness."💗 Is there someone you can reach out to right now for support? 11. "[NAME], learning to recognize your triggers can be a powerful tool in managing flashbacks. Pay attention to the situations, people, or emotions that tend to trigger flashbacks, and try to avoid or minimize exposure to these triggers whenever possible. If you can't avoid a trigger, try using the coping strategies you've learned to help you manage the flashback when it occurs. Remember that you're in control, and that you have the power to protect and care for yourself."💙Can you identify any potential triggers that might have led to this flashback, and if so, how can you reduce exposure to those triggers in the future? 12. "[NAME], flashbacks can be opportunities for healing and growth. When you're ready, try reflecting on what you were flashing back to, and what unmet needs or unresolved emotions might be at the root of the flashback. Journaling, therapy, or creative expression can all be helpful tools for exploring these feelings and experiences. Remember that healing takes time and patience, and that it's okay to take things at your own pace."💚 Are you open to exploring the potential root causes of this flashback and working through any unresolved emotions? 13. "[NAME], recovery from trauma is a journey, not a destination. Be patient with yourself, and allow yourself to make mistakes and experience setbacks along the way. Celebrate your small victories and acknowledge your progress, no matter how small it might seem. Remember that you're a survivor, and that you have the strength and resilience to overcome any obstacle that comes your way."💛 Can you acknowledge your progress in managing this flashback and give yourself credit for the strength and resilience you've shown? [^1]: [[📖 🟢 Complex PTSD From Surviving to Thriving A Guide and Map for Recovering from Childhood Trauma]] [^2]: https://www.reddit.com/r/CPTSDNextSteps/comments/1etrppo/customized_13_steps_pete_walker_walkthrough_for/