⬆️: [[🕯️ Boundaries]]
##### 🦮 How to Get Out of a Low-Nurturance Environment
If we live with unsafe or abusive people, or if we stay in a relationship we know is bad for us, it can be difficult or even impossible to feel safe, and [[🦮 How to Recover from Trauma|🦮 recover from trauma]]. Fostering good relationships and ending bad ones are forms of [[⭐️ Self-Care]].
[The Capacity to Give Up on People](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VDKOY0ZTDPI)
###### Emergency Prep
Ideally we won't be leaving on a moment's notice, but sometimes we have to. These steps ensure we can.
1. Prepare a [[🛠 Go-Bag]].
2. Learn [[🦮 How to Secure Your Mail]]
3. Establish an escape route, ideally from our bedroom.
4. Keep toiletries and precious items contained. It prevents anyone from easily throwing or breaking things if they become violent, and it makes them easier to grab-and-go if we have to.
5. Have next day's clothes / shoes by our bedside with our [[Essential Items]] ready to go in our pockets or bag.
6. Sleep facing the door.
7. Have sole access to our own bank account, or [[🦮 How to Open a Bank Account|Open a Bank Account]] with another bank, allowing no statements to be sent to our home. Have only one card -- in our wallet and on our person at all times.
8. Give any non-essential valuables to anyone we can trust and who our abuser doesn't know so they can't be destroyed or used as blackmail after we leave. If our abuser knows all our friends, give our things to multiple people to reduce the risk of it all being found.
9. Hide any spares.
###### Leaving as a Minor
If we are a legal adult, everything is easier. However, even if +18, we may not be considered a legal adult in some states. [Check here](https://familysearch.org/learn/wiki/en/Age_Majority_by_State)
If you are a minor and are ready to leave, have someone you trust call the police and tell them you are being held against your will and need help leaving. The police will escort you to a shelter, or to a safe person's home if you ask and can provide other resources. If you were unable to get all of your [[Essential Items]] together, tell the police they're still inside. We must insist the items are hidden inside the home. If the police cannot force the parents to hand them over, make sure the police note in their report that the parents claim not to have the items. It might be helpful in getting them replaced.
The next day or days after we need to call the station again and remind the police that we left because wanted to and that if there is a missing person's report filed it's being done with the knowledge that we were escorted out by police, that we are not actually missing.
Once the dust settles, take steps to replace any [[Essential Items]] you couldn't get. Your ID is both easiest and most important, because it's often the first thing asked for when replacing the other items. Do not file a change of address, as it could be tracked.
If your cellphone is paid for by abusers or on a family plan with them, get rid of it. Some companies allow account holders to track other phones on the account.
If we have bills under our name, we notify the companies that we are being stalked. They need to put a security code on our account, and be warned not to share our account information with anyone calling and claiming to be us, our legal guardian, or our attorney.
We should also routinely run a credit check and dispute anything we didn't authorize. We should be prepared to prosecute in case our abusers try to file a credit card in our name.
Without good credit, it is very hard to get safe housing. If a background check is done and it appears we neglected bills for high ticket items, we look like a criminal in the making, even if it wasn't us and we weren't taken to court. Few prospective employers or landlords will be understanding.
###### Related
- [[🦮 How to Find Housing]]
- [[🦮 How to Find Work]]
[^1]: