🔼: [[🧑🏼‍🤝‍🧑🏾 Adult Children of Alcoholics & Dysfunctional Families]] ## The Workplace Laundry List The workplace laundry list is a list of 24 statements that describe many of our thoughts and interactions at work. The list is a creative adaptation of The Laundry List (Problem), which is a detailed look at the 14 traits of an adult child. The workplace list shows how we can attempt to recreate our dysfunctional family roles at work or in some social settings. While working the Steps and attending meetings improves much of this behavior, the workplace laundry list further focuses our efforts to improve ourselves outside of meetings. Many ACAs have used this list to identify and change their ineffective behaviors. The “qualifier” mentioned in these statements is the person who infected us with the disease of alcoholism or other dysfunction. ###### Working at the Laundromat – A checklist for ACAs in the Workplace 1.  We confuse our boss or supervisor with our alcoholic parent(s) or qualifier and have similar relationship patterns, behaviors, and reactions that are carryovers from childhood. 2. We confuse our co-workers with our siblings or our alcoholic parent(s) and repeat childhood reactions in those working relationships. 3. We expect lavish praise and acknowledgment from our boss for our efforts on the job. 4. Authority figures scare us and we feel afraid when we need to talk to them. 5. We get a negative “gut reaction” when dealing with someone who has the physical characteristics or mannerisms of our alcoholic qualifier. 6. We have felt isolated and different from everyone around us, but we don’t really know why. 7. We lose our temper when things upset us rather than dealing with problems productively. 8. We busy ourselves with our co-workers’ jobs, often telling them how to do their work. 9. We can get hurt feelings when co-workers do things socially together without asking us, even though we have not made an effort to get to know them and join in the social life. 10. We are afraid to make the first move to get to know a co-worker better, thinking they will not like us or approve of us. 11. We usually do not know how to ask for what we want or need on the job, even for little things. 12. We do not know how to speak up for ourselves when someone has said or done something inappropriate. We try desperately to avoid face-to-face confrontations. 13. We are sensitive and can get extremely upset with any form of criticism of our work. 14. We want to be in charge of every project or activity, feeling more comfortable when we are in control of every detail, rather than letting others be responsible. 15. We may be the workplace “clown” to cover up our insecurities or to get attention from others. 16. We are people-pleasers and may take on extra work, or our co-workers’ tasks, in order to be liked and receive approval from others. 17. We do not know how to be assertive in getting our needs met or expressing a concern. We may have to repeatedly rehearse our comments before delivering them. 18. We have felt that we do not deserve a raise, promotion, better workspace, or a better job. 19. We do not know how to set boundaries, and we let others interrupt us. We can accept more work without knowing how to say “no” appropriately. 20. We are perfectionists about our own work and expect others to be the same and have the same work ethics and values. 21. We become workaholics because it gives us a feeling of self-worth we did not get as a child. 22. We may jump from job to job, looking for the perfect position as the substitute for the secure and nurturing home environment we did not have. 23. We get upset when people do things that affect us or our work without asking us first. 24. We have a high tolerance for workplace dysfunction and tend to stick it out in an unhappy job because we lack the self-esteem to leave. ###### Identifying with The Laundry List (Problem) Many of us express a profound “that’s me!” when reading this description of workplace behavior of some adult children. This reaction is similar to the reaction we got when we heard The Laundry List (Problem) read at our first meeting. After awhile, the characteristics we seem to have in common begin to relate to several areas of our life and not just the main one that may have led us to an ACA meeting in the first place. Some behaviors listed in The Laundry List (Problem) may be easy to spot at work: “We became isolated and afraid of people and authority figures,” or “We are frightened by angry people and any personal criticism.” Other traits may be more subtle to uncover because we are so accustomed to living our lives from an ingrained point of view. Without focus at work, we can overlook these traits: “We get guilt feelings when we stand up for ourselves,” “We judge ourselves harshly and have a very low sense of self-esteem,” and “We are reactors, rather than actors.” [^1]: [[📖 Adult Children of Alcoholics & Dysfunctional Families]] p417