# What Mr. Rogers Loved in You[^1] **Mr. Rogers reminds us that what happens inside us is just as important as what happens outside us.** Thank goodness for Fred Rogers. Mr. Rogers kept his attention on true feelings. He never lost sight of that four-year-old inside each of us. Mr. Rogers made us believe that the inside of us was enough for him. Just by virtue of having drawn a breath, you were special and lovable. You were so special, in fact, he wanted to know would you be his and could you be his, because he always wanted to live in a neighborhood with you. Listen to those lyrics. It’s a valentine sung from someone who knows what love really is. Mr. Rogers was different from your EI parent and many of the people you know because he welcomed all the parts of you in his neighborhood. He stated there was always room for you, your anger, and your hurt feelings too. One of his little songs asked, “What do you do with the bad you feel, when you feel so bad you could bite?” When was the last time someone showed you that kind of interest, especially when you were angry and hurt? Mr. Rogers reminds us that what happens inside us is just as important as what happens outside us. Mr. Rogers was an existentialist, and he came right down on the side of everyone’s right to be here. He taught that just being here is your meaning. You don’t have to prove anything, achieve something, or otherwise wow the people around you in order to be worthy of love. All you have to do is be alive. And his audiences knew from listening to how he talked that he had thought this all out. He was not a blithe or superficial sort of man. No, he had solid reasons for what he was doing. Mr. Rogers knew that once you were a four-year-old in need of love and safety, you were always, at some level, a four-year-old in need of love and safety. The best relationships, if you think about it, all have Mr. Rogers’s brand of existentialism in them. The greatest gift you can be given is to know that someone cherishes your presence in the world. We all need to be around people for whom our very existence is a delight. That’s the kind of love that does not see you as a role or a function but as a fascinating, vital being who exists to enjoy and be enjoyed. Mr. Rogers understood this totally. Mr. Rogers’s programs continue to mesmerize us, even as the action-addicted synapses in our brains are tempted to scream at his easygoing pace. But if you listen to him for a few minutes, the deep emotional centers of your brain start unspooling in long coils of relaxation. Aah…Mr. Rogers says all you have to do is be. You are special whether you accomplish anything or not. He says you are worthy of care even when you are bad or angry. You have a good reason for all your feelings, he tells you, and he knows how hard you try. He is not ambitious for you nor critical of you. He likes you just the way you are, whether you are four or forty. We may not be four years old anymore, but our emotional needs are exactly the same. We want someone to light up when we come in the room, and we don’t want to be forgotten about when we are apart. We want to be forgiven when we are bad, and we want someone to put us first. We want someone to feel sad when we are hurt, not just say the right thing. We want someone to pay close attention when we are scared and need to talk. We want someone to be preoccupied with our security and well-being. Most of all, we want to have an effect on others, to have them treat us like we are really alive and as real as real can be. Maybe that’s the sum of what Fred Rogers came to tell us, to treat one another like every one of us is really alive inside. That’s the way to keep on loving each other, even when we feel bad enough to bite. [^1]: [[📖 🟢 Self Care for Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents - Honor Your Emotions, Nurture Your Self, and Live with Confidence]]