🔼: [[🕯️ Meditation 🧘]], [[🕯️ Self-Regulation]], [[🛠 Pendulation Toolkit]] ## 🧘 Loving-Kindness Meditation Loving-Kindness meditation (also known as Metta Meditation) is the practice of tapping into and offering [[☀️ Loving-Kindness (Metta)]] to [[💡 Parts|parts of ourselves]], to other beings, and to the world. It also grows our ability to meet the world, our [[💡 Parts|Parts]], and moments of our lives from a place of love. [[love. [[👤 Jack Kornfield|Jack Kornfield]] is known to promise that making Loving-Kindness our only meditation practice for a year will change our lives. It's also simple enough to do unguided and quite powerful. > [!warning] > Loving-Kindness Meditation can sometimes activate [[💡 Protector Parts|Protectors]] who [[🛡️ Criticizing|🛡️ criticize]]. If this happens and it causes more inner-conflict or [[💡 Polarization|polarization]], we may be better off trying [[🕯️ Part-Tending]] to get to know that [[💡 Protector Parts|Protector]] instead. Alternatively, we may choose to make them the recipient of our Loving-Kindness with the knowledge that [[🔑 There are no bad Parts|🔑 all Parts have benevolent intentions]]. ### The Practice > “*I work a lot with my breath – I breathe in and out of my heart, and when I’m breathing out of my heart, I allowed whatever love I can muster to be offered to people, to beings around me. When I breathe in, I take the existence of the universe into myself, and I keep feeling this breath going back and forth, and the breathing out is, “May all beings be free of suffering, may all beings be peaceful, may all beings be happy,” and I say: “Hard-hearted though I am, and closed hearted though I am, I am going to use my mind and heart for the benefit of others. I’m going to wish them well.* > > *I’ve watched the way it works on people, and it’s quite extraordinary. I’ve watched the process of looking at another person, and looking beyond my reactivity to their individual differences to see a fellow soul in there, and I feel my heart does a very different thing with a fellow soul than it does with a woman or man or achiever or judging mind, from my protective stance, but I see a fellow soul, “You here? I’m here. Ahhh yeah, I see you…”* > > *So I practice tuning into that in other beings. I’ll sit on the bus and I’ll look at all the people on the bus, and I’ll feel that these are all souls who have taken birth, who are all going through different things, and I see so much in their faces and in the way they exist about who they ‘think’ they are, and what they’re going through, and then compassion awakens in me.* > > *It’s about awakening feelings of compassion towards others. That’s a big chunk of the opening of the heart. It doesn’t have to be all lovey-dovey romantic love.* > > *It can just be a feeling of, _“Ahhhh yes.”_ That quality of resting in love. So I practice it again and again, and I sometimes start with visualizations, that’s one way you can do it.* > > *I’m not really talking about the superficial emotional states, those come and go. It’s not just about “Oh, ok, love everyone, sure,” it’s about looking for a deeper feeling of actual connectedness with the universe – tuning into that and then softening and opening to it.*” > — [[Ram Dass]][^1] First, touch into a [[🕯️ Resourcing|🕯️ Resource]]. If we ever notice some kind of upset that brings us to the edge of our [[💡 Window of Tolerance|Window of Tolerance]], we can step back into [[🕯️ Resourcing]] and either try again, get to know the [[💡 Parts|Parts]] via [[🕯️ Part-Tending]], try another [[🕯️ Meditation 🧘|🕯️ Meditation practice]], or move into [[🕯️ Resourcing]], [[🕯️ Self-Regulation]], and [[⭐️ Self-Care]]. #### Evoking Loving-Kindness Loving-Kindness is one of the most widely practiced meditations in the world. I find it fun and heart-opening to consider the fact that there are millions of people doing this practice at any one time and that I can join them in the practice whenever I want and contribute to a global field of care. ##### Phrases Loving-Kindness Meditation usually includes repeating phrases or mantras. When just beginning with the practice, it can be helpful to try out several other phrases and see how they land. Find the phrases that help genuine care arise. For some, the usual phrases offered in guided Metta meditations don't evoke any feelings at all. But Metta is an energy, not a performative ritual. It's not about the words, but the energy the words release as our [[💡 Protector Parts|Protectors]] relax. So we don’t have to use phrases that don’t resonate. Don't think about it – just feel and express. Find the words that ring your heart like a bell. For some, this practice is almost a kind of heartful prayer, and it may be helpful to hold it as such. > [!example]- Example Phrases > Commonly Used > - "May (I/you) be happy." > - "May (I/you) be healthy." > - "May (I/you) be safe." > - "May (I/you) be at peace." > - "May (I/you) be free from suffering." > > Others > - "May I be kind to everyone I meet." > - "May I feel a sense of connection with everyone I meet." > - "May (I/you) be free of fear." > - "May (I/you) find relief." > - "May (I/you) feel better." > - "May (I/you) find peace." > - "May (I/you) be at ease." > - "May (I/you) have a happy mind, and may (I/you) be peaceful with all that comes to (me/you)." > - "...but I love you anyway." > > Borrowed from Joshua Bee Alafia > - "May (I/you) be happy and peaceful." > - "May (I/you) be safe from inner and outer danger, free from harm." > - "May (I/you) be healthy and strong in mind, body, and spirit." > - "May (I/you) live your life with ease, free from suffering, fully awakened." > > My favorite(s) > - "I love you for no reason." > - “I love you, keep going.” > > It's also worth considering that people the world over wish each other well outside of this formal practice but nonetheless fit right into it. > - "Have a good day!" > - "Drive safely!" > - "I'll be thinking of you." ##### Imagery > [!note] > I independently came up with this practice during a bout of intense anxiety in 2019, before I knew it had a name. I happened to think about someone I dearly loved and somehow got the idea that so long as I held them there in my heart, they would be okay. I just imagined them smiling at me, and becoming increasingly joyful as I sent my love to them. Eventually I moved on to other people. Friends, family members, pets, people alive or no longer alive, people I hadn't seen or spoken to since high school or earlier – I was even able to do this for people who'd harmed me, no phrases needed. Imagine yourself absorbing an inexhaustible fountain of Love. The universe is made of it, and we are made of the universe, so it’s never going to run out – take all you need, take all you want. Feel it. #### Sending Loving-Kindness We can direct this energy to other people, to other beings, to nature, to our [[💡 Parts|Parts]] – anything or anyone. Start with wherever it’s easiest to feel love, there is no wrong place to start. ###### Self-Metta To start, we might try affirming to ourself, with eyes closed: "I love and accept myself completely." If we feel no contraction, that’s fantastic. If we feel a little, we could use a little self-metta. If we feel a lot, we could use a lot of self-metta. It may be helpful to start with our baby self, holding the image of our newborn to three-year-old self in our minds and hearts or maybe finding a photo, and then slowly working up to the present day. If we notice [[💡 Parts|Parts]] get activated, it can be helpful to note them in our [[🛠 Parts Log]] or get to know them via [[🕯️ Part-Tending]]. Some may find it easier to start with particular things we like about ourselves, others might prefer to start with our [[⭐ Values]] or what’s important to us. Wherever we start, it’s all coming from our essential goodness. ###### Metta to Others We start with someone easy to feel Loving-Kindness for, and then connect with our genuine desire for them to be happy, to feel loved and safe. We might imagine them ...happy, smiling ...getting precisely what they want. ...bathed in warm light Then we sink into the feeling these thoughts and images evoke and recognize the sincerity of this wish. Then we speak, either out loud or in our mind, whatever we feel inspired to say. When that feels complete, we can move on to someone else. Other beings we love, the earth, strangers, challenging or difficult people, sometimes we can even direct this to people who've hurt us (and [[🔑 we don't have to forgive in order to heal|🔑 it's okay if we can't]]). ### See Also - [[🛠 Ideal Parent Figure Protocol]] - [[👤 Sharon Salzberg]], [[👤 Tara Brach]], [[👤 Jack Kornfield]], and [[👤 Pema Chödrön]] all teach this practice. [^1]: https://www.ramdass.org/how-can-we-heal-our-heart-when-it-closes/