###### ๐Ÿ•ฏ๏ธ Part-Tending ![[On Tools, Skills, and Practices...]] > [!important] Important > These practices are best done when within our [[๐Ÿ’ก Window of Tolerance|Window of Tolerance]] where at least *some* [[Qualities of Presence โ˜€๏ธ]] are available. Otherwise I recommend [[๐Ÿ•ฏ๏ธ Self-Regulation]] instead. The table below is an experiment. It suggests various pointers and practices to bring [[๐Ÿ’ก Parts|Parts]] into our conscious lives by repeatedly recognizing and connecting with them, and then nurturing those relationships over time, *for its own sake*. Itโ€™s similar to [[๐Ÿ’ก The 6 Fs of Internal Family Systems|the 6 Fs of IFS]], though people who are brand new to [[๐Ÿ’ก Parts|Parts]] or to [[โญ๏ธ Internal Family Systems|IFS]] may benefit from starting there. This is not a toolkit or a means to an end to make something happen or change our [[๐Ÿ’ก Parts|Parts]]. They are a language of connective gestures, expressing a desire to bring connection and care, to support [[๐Ÿ’ก Self-Intimacy|Self-Intimacy]]; these are not rigid steps to be done in an exact order or one at a time precisely as written. They overlap and are meant to be like scaffolding to support us until it falls by the wayside as our self-relationships deepen and intuition takes over. Some of these may feel awkward or not-quite-right, and that's okay. These are ideas, and not some kind of prescription or a box to check off, and it doesnโ€™t have to be a deeply serious thing. Different parts might communicate and connect in different ways, through words, emotions, images, sensations, or a combination โ€“ everything is normal. Keep it simple, play around, try a couple and see how it feels. Notice what helps you feel attuned to your interiority and what doesnโ€™t, and donโ€™t be surprised if that changes over time. [[๐Ÿ”‘ Trust your experience and intuition]] and [[๐Ÿ”‘ Go at your pace|๐Ÿ”‘ go at your pace]]. > [!FAQ]- FAQ: Which Part do I start with? > ![[๐Ÿ’ก Trailheads#How to Find a Trailhead]] - [[๐Ÿ”‘ We need both Theory and Practice]] - [[๐Ÿ”‘ Healing is a happening, not a doing]] - [[๐Ÿ”‘ Acceptance is a prerequisite for change]] %% | [[Protect, Relax, Resource]] | Regulate | Assistance | | :--: | :--: | :--: | | | | | %% | [[๐Ÿฆฎ How to Recover from Trauma#Phase 1 Safety and Stabilization\|Safety and Stabilization]] | [[Notice & Listen]] | [[Connect & Attune]] | [[Nurture]] | Assistance | | :------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------: | :----------------------------------------: | :-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------: | :----------------------------------------------: | :-------------------------------------------------: | | [[๐Ÿ•ฏ๏ธ Resourcing]] | [[๐Ÿ•ฏ๏ธ Mindful Moments]] | [[๐Ÿ•ฏ๏ธ Journaling]] | Authentic Reassurance | [[๐Ÿง˜ Practice With Me]] | | [[๐Ÿง˜ Yoga Nidra]] | [[F4 โ€” Feel Toward]] | [[๐Ÿ•ฏ๏ธ Being With]] | "What's going on?" <br> | [[๐Ÿ•ฏ๏ธ Resourcing]] | | | [[๐Ÿ•ฏ๏ธ Journaling]] | [[๐Ÿ•ฏ๏ธ Loving Touch]] | "Why is this so hard for you?" | [[๐Ÿง˜ IFS Meditations]] | | | [[๐Ÿ›  Parts Map]] | Letting them know they aren't alone | "What do you need? How can I help you?" | [[๐Ÿง˜ RAIN Meditation]] | | | [[๐Ÿ›  Mirror Gazing]] | โ€œI see you. Do you want to see me?โ€ | Be there for the part in whatever way they need. | [[๐Ÿง˜ Two-Handed Polarization Exercise]] | | | [[๐Ÿ›  Non-Dominant Hand Writing]] | Moving closer in the mind's eye, if they're okay with it. | [[โญ๏ธ Self-Care]] | [[๐Ÿฆฎ How to get to know your parts solo]] | | | [[๐Ÿ›  Parts Log]] | "What do you want me to know?" | [[โญ๏ธ Community Care]] | [[๐Ÿฆฎ How to help Parts unblend]] | | | [[๐Ÿง˜ Yes Meditation]] | "What do you want to show me?" | [[๐Ÿ•ฏ๏ธ Self-Stewardship]] | [[๐Ÿฆฎ How Polarizations soften and resolve]] | | | [[๐Ÿง˜ Samatha Meditation]] | "What's your job?" | [[๐Ÿง˜ Loving-Kindness (Metta) Meditation]] | [[๐Ÿฆฎ How to connect with Parts through Symptoms]] | | | [[๐Ÿง˜ Body Scan]] | "What are you afraid would happen if you didn't do it?" | [[๐Ÿง˜ RAIN Meditation]] | [[๐Ÿฆฎ How to Connect with Unkind Protectors]] | | | [[๐Ÿง˜ See, Hear, Feel In]] | [[๐Ÿง˜ Parts Roundtable]] | Make art | [[๐Ÿฆฎ How to find an IFS therapist or practitioner]] | | | [[๐Ÿง˜ The Pathway Home]] | [[F5 โ€” BeFriend the Part]]ย & [[F6 โ€” Learn their Fears]] | Go for a walk | | | | [[๐Ÿง˜ Sitting in the Middle of Everything]] | [[๐Ÿ•ฏ๏ธ Fire Drill (You-Turn)]] | [[๐Ÿ’ก Play\|Play]] | | | | [[๐Ÿง˜ Pratyahara]] | Non-separation: focus on the [[๐Ÿ’ก Trailheads\|trailhead]] and feel it deeply, from the inside | โ€œThank you for trying to protect me.โ€ | | | | "Who's here?" | Conscious Blending โ€“ Let the Part speak | โ€œIโ€™m here, and Iโ€™m not going anywhere.โ€ | | | | [[๐Ÿง˜๐Ÿง˜ Gladdening the Mind]] | | | | - What is love asking of me? What might love have me do today? ###### Day-to-Day > [!tip] Try to be mindful of... > - [[๐Ÿ›ก๏ธ Avoiding]] / Aversion- trying to manage and control people, places, and things to avoid evoking unwanted feelings. > - [[๐Ÿ›ก๏ธ Attachment]] / Craving - trying to manage and control people, places, and things to evoke pleasant and preferred feelings > - [[Delusion]] / [[๐Ÿ’ก Burdens ๐Ÿชจ|Burdens]] - mistaken beliefs that we are somehow deficient, unworthy, or shameful, which is held as a justification for avoidance and attachment. > > These are all [[๐Ÿ’ก Trailheads|trailheads]], signs of [[๐Ÿ’ก Protector Parts|Protector Parts]] and [[๐Ÿ’ก Exiles|Exiles]]. - Check in with [[F4 โ€” Feel Toward]] throughout the day to notice [[๐Ÿ’ก Parts|Parts]] as they arise and say hello. - Reality Checking: When you notice [[๐Ÿ›ก๏ธ Criticizing]] or feelings of inadequacy, ask yourself: Is it true? How do I know? Can I make contact with the part of me who believes it? - [[๐Ÿ•ฏ๏ธ Beginner's Mind]]/Not Knowing: When faced with uncertainty, take a breath and simply allow yourself to feel it for at least 2 minutes before taking action or trying to find an answer. - [[โ˜€๏ธ Curiosity]]: When we notice a [[๐Ÿ’ก Parts|Part]] we might ask, "What is there to learn from this moment? Is there something youโ€™d like me to know?" Listen without thinking about it, and maybe note it in a [[๐Ÿ›  Parts Log]]. - [[๐Ÿ•ฏ๏ธ Fire Drill (You-Turn)]] %% Unblended, access to [[Qualities of Presence โ˜€๏ธ]]? - If yes, what's needed? Nurture, [[๐Ÿ•ฏ๏ธ Self-Stewardship]] - If no, is the part willing to [[๐Ÿ•ฏ๏ธ Unblending|unblend]]? [[F4 โ€” Feel Toward]]. - If yes, what's needed? - If no, call on a resource. A friend, a mentor, a teacher, a spiritual figure, [[โญ๏ธ Community Care]]. Call a sponsor before you relapse. [[๐Ÿ’ก Presence|Presence]] of another. If not available, [[๐Ÿ•ฏ๏ธ Self-Regulation]]. Come back to center, then revisit. Sometimes something wants attention and comes forward with a problem or concern. Like a parent, nurture the relationship. - embrace %%