###### ๐ฏ๏ธ Part-Tending
![[On Tools, Skills, and Practices...]]
> [!important] Important
> These practices are best done when within our [[๐ก Window of Tolerance|Window of Tolerance]] where at least *some* [[Qualities of Presence โ๏ธ]] are available. Otherwise I recommend [[๐ฏ๏ธ Self-Regulation]] instead.
The table below is an experiment. It suggests various pointers and practices to bring [[๐ก Parts|Parts]] into our conscious lives by repeatedly recognizing and connecting with them, and then nurturing those relationships over time, *for its own sake*. Itโs similar to [[๐ก The 6 Fs of Internal Family Systems|the 6 Fs of IFS]], though people who are brand new to [[๐ก Parts|Parts]] or to [[โญ๏ธ Internal Family Systems|IFS]] may benefit from starting there.
This is not a toolkit or a means to an end to make something happen or change our [[๐ก Parts|Parts]]. They are a language of connective gestures, expressing a desire to bring connection and care, to support [[๐ก Self-Intimacy|Self-Intimacy]]; these are not rigid steps to be done in an exact order or one at a time precisely as written. They overlap and are meant to be like scaffolding to support us until it falls by the wayside as our self-relationships deepen and intuition takes over.
Some of these may feel awkward or not-quite-right, and that's okay. These are ideas, and not some kind of prescription or a box to check off, and it doesnโt have to be a deeply serious thing. Different parts might communicate and connect in different ways, through words, emotions, images, sensations, or a combination โ everything is normal. Keep it simple, play around, try a couple and see how it feels. Notice what helps you feel attuned to your interiority and what doesnโt, and donโt be surprised if that changes over time. [[๐ Trust your experience and intuition]] and [[๐ Go at your pace|๐ go at your pace]].
> [!FAQ]- FAQ: Which Part do I start with?
> ![[๐ก Trailheads#How to Find a Trailhead]]
- [[๐ We need both Theory and Practice]]
- [[๐ Healing is a happening, not a doing]]
- [[๐ Acceptance is a prerequisite for change]]
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| [[Protect, Relax, Resource]] | Regulate | Assistance |
| :--: | :--: | :--: |
| | | |
%%
| [[๐ฆฎ How to Recover from Trauma#Phase 1 Safety and Stabilization\|Safety and Stabilization]] | [[Notice & Listen]] | [[Connect & Attune]] | [[Nurture]] | Assistance |
| :------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------: | :----------------------------------------: | :-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------: | :----------------------------------------------: | :-------------------------------------------------: |
| [[๐ฏ๏ธ Resourcing]] | [[๐ฏ๏ธ Mindful Moments]] | [[๐ฏ๏ธ Journaling]] | Authentic Reassurance | [[๐ง Practice With Me]] |
| [[๐ง Yoga Nidra]] | [[F4 โ Feel Toward]] | [[๐ฏ๏ธ Being With]] | "What's going on?" <br> | [[๐ฏ๏ธ Resourcing]] |
| | [[๐ฏ๏ธ Journaling]] | [[๐ฏ๏ธ Loving Touch]] | "Why is this so hard for you?" | [[๐ง IFS Meditations]] |
| | [[๐ Parts Map]] | Letting them know they aren't alone | "What do you need? How can I help you?" | [[๐ง RAIN Meditation]] |
| | [[๐ Mirror Gazing]] | โI see you. Do you want to see me?โ | Be there for the part in whatever way they need. | [[๐ง Two-Handed Polarization Exercise]] |
| | [[๐ Non-Dominant Hand Writing]] | Moving closer in the mind's eye, if they're okay with it. | [[โญ๏ธ Self-Care]] | [[๐ฆฎ How to get to know your parts solo]] |
| | [[๐ Parts Log]] | "What do you want me to know?" | [[โญ๏ธ Community Care]] | [[๐ฆฎ How to help Parts unblend]] |
| | [[๐ง Yes Meditation]] | "What do you want to show me?" | [[๐ฏ๏ธ Self-Stewardship]] | [[๐ฆฎ How Polarizations soften and resolve]] |
| | [[๐ง Samatha Meditation]] | "What's your job?" | [[๐ง Loving-Kindness (Metta) Meditation]] | [[๐ฆฎ How to connect with Parts through Symptoms]] |
| | [[๐ง Body Scan]] | "What are you afraid would happen if you didn't do it?" | [[๐ง RAIN Meditation]] | [[๐ฆฎ How to Connect with Unkind Protectors]] |
| | [[๐ง See, Hear, Feel In]] | [[๐ง Parts Roundtable]] | Make art | [[๐ฆฎ How to find an IFS therapist or practitioner]] |
| | [[๐ง The Pathway Home]] | [[F5 โ BeFriend the Part]]ย & [[F6 โ Learn their Fears]] | Go for a walk | |
| | [[๐ง Sitting in the Middle of Everything]] | [[๐ฏ๏ธ Fire Drill (You-Turn)]] | [[๐ก Play\|Play]] | |
| | [[๐ง Pratyahara]] | Non-separation: focus on the [[๐ก Trailheads\|trailhead]] and feel it deeply, from the inside | โThank you for trying to protect me.โ | |
| | "Who's here?" | Conscious Blending โ Let the Part speak | โIโm here, and Iโm not going anywhere.โ | |
| | [[๐ง๐ง Gladdening the Mind]] | | | |
- What is love asking of me? What might love have me do today?
###### Day-to-Day
> [!tip] Try to be mindful of...
> - [[๐ก๏ธ Avoiding]] / Aversion- trying to manage and control people, places, and things to avoid evoking unwanted feelings.
> - [[๐ก๏ธ Attachment]] / Craving - trying to manage and control people, places, and things to evoke pleasant and preferred feelings
> - [[Delusion]] / [[๐ก Burdens ๐ชจ|Burdens]] - mistaken beliefs that we are somehow deficient, unworthy, or shameful, which is held as a justification for avoidance and attachment.
>
> These are all [[๐ก Trailheads|trailheads]], signs of [[๐ก Protector Parts|Protector Parts]] and [[๐ก Exiles|Exiles]].
- Check in with [[F4 โ Feel Toward]] throughout the day to notice [[๐ก Parts|Parts]] as they arise and say hello.
- Reality Checking: When you notice [[๐ก๏ธ Criticizing]] or feelings of inadequacy, ask yourself: Is it true? How do I know? Can I make contact with the part of me who believes it?
- [[๐ฏ๏ธ Beginner's Mind]]/Not Knowing: When faced with uncertainty, take a breath and simply allow yourself to feel it for at least 2 minutes before taking action or trying to find an answer.
- [[โ๏ธ Curiosity]]: When we notice a [[๐ก Parts|Part]] we might ask, "What is there to learn from this moment? Is there something youโd like me to know?" Listen without thinking about it, and maybe note it in a [[๐ Parts Log]].
- [[๐ฏ๏ธ Fire Drill (You-Turn)]]
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Unblended, access to [[Qualities of Presence โ๏ธ]]?
- If yes, what's needed? Nurture, [[๐ฏ๏ธ Self-Stewardship]]
- If no, is the part willing to [[๐ฏ๏ธ Unblending|unblend]]? [[F4 โ Feel Toward]].
- If yes, what's needed?
- If no, call on a resource. A friend, a mentor, a teacher, a spiritual figure, [[โญ๏ธ Community Care]]. Call a sponsor before you relapse. [[๐ก Presence|Presence]] of another. If not available, [[๐ฏ๏ธ Self-Regulation]]. Come back to center, then revisit.
Sometimes something wants attention and comes forward with a problem or concern. Like a parent, nurture the relationship.
- embrace
%%