###### 🕯️ Part-Tending ![[On Tools, Skills, and Practices...]] > [!important] Important > These practices are best done when within our [[💡 Window of Tolerance|Window of Tolerance]] where at least *some* [[Qualities of Presence ☀️]] are available. Otherwise I recommend [[🕯️ Self-Regulation]] instead. The table below is an experiment. It suggests various pointers and practices to bring [[💡 Parts|Parts]] into our conscious lives by repeatedly recognizing and connecting with them, and then nurturing those relationships over time, *for its own sake*. It’s similar to [[💡 The 6 Fs of Internal Family Systems|the 6 Fs of IFS]], though people who are brand new to [[💡 Parts|Parts]] or to [[⭐️ Internal Family Systems|IFS]] may benefit from starting there. This is not a toolkit or a means to an end to make something happen or change our [[💡 Parts|Parts]]. They are a language of connective gestures, expressing a desire to bring connection and care, to support [[💡 Self-Intimacy|Self-Intimacy]]; these are not rigid steps to be done in an exact order or one at a time precisely as written. They overlap and are meant to be like scaffolding to support us until it falls by the wayside as our self-relationships deepen and intuition takes over. Some of these may feel awkward or not-quite-right, and that's okay. These are ideas, and not some kind of prescription or a box to check off, and it doesn’t have to be a deeply serious thing. Different parts might communicate and connect in different ways, through words, emotions, images, sensations, or a combination – everything is normal. Keep it simple, play around, try a couple and see how it feels. Notice what helps you feel attuned to your interiority and what doesn’t, and don’t be surprised if that changes over time. [[🔑 Trust your experience and intuition]] and [[🔑 Go at your pace|🔑 go at your pace]]. > [!FAQ]- FAQ: Which Part do I start with? > ![[💡 Trailheads#How to Find a Trailhead]] - [[🔑 We need both Theory and Practice]] - [[🔑 Healing is a happening, not a doing]] - [[🔑 Acceptance is a prerequisite for change]] %% | [[Protect, Relax, Resource]] | Regulate | Assistance | | :--: | :--: | :--: | | | | | %% | [[🦮 How to Recover from Trauma#Phase 1 Safety and Stabilization\|Safety and Stabilization]] | [[Notice & Listen]] | [[Connect & Attune]] | [[Nurture]] | Assistance | | :------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------: | :----------------------------------------: | :-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------: | :----------------------------------------------: | :-------------------------------------------------: | | [[🕯️ Resourcing]] | [[🕯️ Mindful Moments]] | [[🕯️ Journaling]] | Authentic Reassurance | [[🧘 Practice With Me]] | | [[🧘 Yoga Nidra]] | [[F4 — Feel Toward]] | [[🕯️ Being With]] | "What's going on?" <br> | [[🕯️ Resourcing]] | | | [[🕯️ Journaling]] | [[🕯️ Loving Touch]] | "Why is this so hard for you?" | [[🧘 IFS Meditations]] | | | [[🛠 Parts Map]] | Letting them know they aren't alone | "What do you need? How can I help you?" | [[🧘 RAIN Meditation]] | | | [[🛠 Mirror Gazing]] | “I see you. Do you want to see me?” | Be there for the part in whatever way they need. | [[🧘 Two-Handed Polarization Exercise]] | | | [[🛠 Non-Dominant Hand Writing]] | Moving closer in the mind's eye, if they're okay with it. | [[⭐️ Self-Care]] | [[🦮 How to get to know your parts solo]] | | | [[🛠 Parts Log]] | "What do you want me to know?" | [[⭐️ Community Care]] | [[🦮 How to help Parts unblend]] | | | [[🧘 Yes Meditation]] | "What do you want to show me?" | [[🕯️ Self-Stewardship]] | [[🦮 How Polarizations soften and resolve]] | | | [[🧘 Samatha Meditation]] | "What's your job?" | [[🧘 Loving-Kindness (Metta) Meditation]] | [[🦮 How to connect with Parts through Symptoms]] | | | [[🧘 Body Scan]] | "What are you afraid would happen if you didn't do it?" | [[🧘 RAIN Meditation]] | [[🦮 How to Connect with Unkind Protectors]] | | | [[🧘 See, Hear, Feel In]] | [[🧘 Parts Roundtable]] | Make art | [[🦮 How to find an IFS therapist or practitioner]] | | | [[🧘 The Pathway Home]] | [[F5 — BeFriend the Part]] & [[F6 — Learn their Fears]] | Go for a walk | | | | [[🧘 Sitting in the Middle of Everything]] | [[🕯️ Fire Drill (You-Turn)]] | [[💡 Play\|Play]] | | | | [[🧘 Pratyahara]] | Non-separation: focus on the [[💡 Trailheads\|trailhead]] and feel it deeply, from the inside | “Thank you for trying to protect me.” | | | | "Who's here?" | Conscious Blending – Let the Part speak | “I’m here, and I’m not going anywhere.” | | | | [[🧘🧘 Gladdening the Mind]] | | | | - What is love asking of me? What might love have me do today? ###### Day-to-Day > [!tip] Try to be mindful of... > - [[🛡️ Avoiding]] / Aversion- trying to manage and control people, places, and things to avoid evoking unwanted feelings. > - [[🛡️ Attachment]] / Craving - trying to manage and control people, places, and things to evoke pleasant and preferred feelings > - [[Delusion]] / [[💡 Burdens 🪨|Burdens]] - mistaken beliefs that we are somehow deficient, unworthy, or shameful, which is held as a justification for avoidance and attachment. > > These are all [[💡 Trailheads|trailheads]], signs of [[💡 Protector Parts|Protector Parts]] and [[💡 Exiles|Exiles]]. - Check in with [[F4 — Feel Toward]] throughout the day to notice [[💡 Parts|Parts]] as they arise and say hello. - Reality Checking: When you notice [[🛡️ Criticizing]] or feelings of inadequacy, ask yourself: Is it true? How do I know? Can I make contact with the part of me who believes it? - [[🕯️ Beginner's Mind]]/Not Knowing: When faced with uncertainty, take a breath and simply allow yourself to feel it for at least 2 minutes before taking action or trying to find an answer. - [[☀️ Curiosity]]: When we notice a [[💡 Parts|Part]] we might ask, "What is there to learn from this moment? Is there something you’d like me to know?" Listen without thinking about it, and maybe note it in a [[🛠 Parts Log]]. - [[🕯️ Fire Drill (You-Turn)]] %% Unblended, access to [[Qualities of Presence ☀️]]? - If yes, what's needed? Nurture, [[🕯️ Self-Stewardship]] - If no, is the part willing to [[🕯️ Unblending|unblend]]? [[F4 — Feel Toward]]. - If yes, what's needed? - If no, call on a resource. A friend, a mentor, a teacher, a spiritual figure, [[⭐️ Community Care]]. Call a sponsor before you relapse. [[💡 Presence|Presence]] of another. If not available, [[🕯️ Self-Regulation]]. Come back to center, then revisit. Sometimes something wants attention and comes forward with a problem or concern. Like a parent, nurture the relationship. - embrace %%