###### 🕯️ Part-Tending ![[On Tools, Skills, and Practices...]] > [!important] Important > These practices are best done when within our [[💡 Window of Tolerance|Window of Tolerance]] where at least *some* [[Qualities of Presence ☀️]] are available. Otherwise I recommend [[🕯️ Self-Regulation]] instead. The table below is an experiment. It suggests various pointers and practices to bring [[💡 Parts|Parts]] into our conscious lives by repeatedly recognizing and connecting with them, and then nurturing those relationships over time, *for its own sake*. It’s similar to [[💡 The 6 Fs of Internal Family Systems|the 6 Fs of IFS]], though people who are brand new to [[💡 Parts|Parts]] or to [[⭐️ Internal Family Systems|IFS]] may benefit from starting there. This is not a toolkit or a means to an end to make something happen or change our [[💡 Parts|Parts]]. They are a language of connective gestures, expressing a desire to bring connection and care, to support [[💡 Self-Intimacy|Self-Intimacy]]; these are not rigid steps to be done in an exact order or one at a time precisely as written. They overlap and are meant to be like scaffolding to support us until it falls by the wayside as our self-relationships deepen and intuition takes over. Some of these may feel awkward or not-quite-right, and that's okay. These are ideas, and not some kind of prescription or a box to check off, and it doesn’t have to be a deeply serious thing. Different parts might communicate and connect in different ways, through words, emotions, images, sensations, or a combination – everything is normal. Keep it simple, play around, try a couple and see how it feels. Notice what helps you feel attuned to your interiority and what doesn’t, and don’t be surprised if that changes over time. Find what works for you and [[🔑 Go at your pace|🔑 go at your pace]]. > [!FAQ]- FAQ: Which Part do I start with? > ![[💡 Trailheads#How to Find a Trailhead]] - [[🔑 We need both Theory and Practice]] - [[🔑 Healing is a happening, not a doing]] - [[🔑 Acceptance is a prerequisite for change]] %% | [[Protect, Relax, Resource]] | Regulate | Assistance | | :--: | :--: | :--: | | | | | %% | [[🦮 How to Recover from Trauma#Phase 1 Safety and Stabilization\|Safety and Stabilization]] | [[Notice & Listen]] | [[Connect & Attune]] | [[Nurture]] | Assistance | | :------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------: | :----------------------------------------: | :-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------: | :----------------------------------------------: | :-------------------------------------------------: | | [[🕯️ Resourcing]] | [[🕯️ Mindful Moments]] | [[🕯️ Journaling]] | [[🕯️ Letters from Love]] | [[🧘 Practice With Me]] | | [[🧘 Yoga Nidra]] | [[F4 — Feel Toward]] | [[🕯️ Being With]] | Authentic Reassurance | [[🕯️ Resourcing]] | | | [[🕯️ Journaling]] | [[🕯️ Loving Touch]] | "What's going on?" <br> | [[🧘 IFS Meditations]] | | | [[🛠 Parts Map]] | Letting them know they aren't alone | "Why is this so hard for you?" | [[🧘 RAIN Meditation]] | | | [[🛠 Mirror Gazing]] | “I see you. Do you want to see me?” | "What do you need? How can I help you?" | [[🧘 Two-Handed Polarization Exercise]] | | | [[🛠 Non-Dominant Hand Writing]] | Moving closer in the mind's eye, if they're okay with it. | Be there for the part in whatever way they need. | [[🦮 How to get to know your parts solo]] | | | [[🛠 Parts Log]] | "What do you want me to know?" | [[⭐️ Self-Care]] | [[🦮 How to help Parts unblend]] | | | [[🧘 Yes Meditation]] | "What do you want to show me?" | [[⭐️ Community Care]] | [[🦮 How Polarizations soften and resolve]] | | | [[🧘 Samatha Meditation]] | "What's your job?" | [[🕯️ Self-Stewardship]] | [[🦮 How to connect with Parts through Symptoms]] | | | [[🧘 Body Scan]] | "What are you afraid would happen if you didn't do it?" | [[🧘 Loving-Kindness (Metta) Meditation]] | [[🦮 How to Connect with Unkind Protectors]] | | | [[🧘 See, Hear, Feel In]] | [[🧘 Parts Roundtable]] | [[🧘 RAIN Meditation]] | [[🦮 How to find an IFS therapist or practitioner]] | | | [[🧘 The Pathway Home]] | [[F5 — BeFriend the Part]] & [[F6 — Learn their Fears]] | Make art | | | | [[🧘 Sitting in the Middle of Everything]] | [[🕯️ Fire Drill (You-Turn)]] | Go for a walk | | | | [[🧘 Pratyahara]] | Non-separation: focus on the [[💡 Trailheads\|trailhead]] and feel it deeply, from the inside | [[💡 Play\|Play]] | | | | "Who's here?" | Conscious Blending – Let the Part speak | “Thank you for trying to protect me.” | | | | [[🧘🧘 Gladdening the Mind]] | | “I’m here, and I’m not going anywhere.” | | - What is love asking of me? What might love have me do today? ###### Day-to-Day > [!tip] Try to be mindful of... > - [[🛡️ Avoiding]] / Aversion - trying to manage and control people, places, and things to avoid evoking unwanted feelings. > - [[🛡️ Attachment]] / Craving - trying to manage and control people, places, and things to evoke pleasant and preferred feelings > - [[Delusion]] / [[💡 Burdens 🪨|Burdens]] - mistaken beliefs that we are somehow deficient, unworthy, or shameful, which is held as a justification for avoidance and attachment. > > These are all [[💡 Trailheads|trailheads]], signs of [[💡 Protector Parts|Protector Parts]] and [[💡 Exiles|Exiles]]. - Check in with [[F4 — Feel Toward]] throughout the day to notice [[💡 Parts|Parts]] as they arise and say hello. - Reality Checking: When you notice [[🛡️ Criticizing]] or feelings of inadequacy, ask yourself: Is it true? How do I know? Can I make contact with the part of me who believes it? - [[🕯️ Beginner's Mind]]/Not Knowing: When faced with uncertainty, take a breath and simply allow yourself to feel it for at least 2 minutes before taking action or trying to find an answer. - [[☀️ Curiosity]]: When we notice a [[💡 Parts|Part]] we might ask, "What is there to learn from this moment? Is there something you’d like me to know?" Listen without thinking about it, and maybe note it in a [[🛠 Parts Log]]. - [[🕯️ Fire Drill (You-Turn)]] %% Unblended, access to [[Qualities of Presence ☀️]]? - If yes, what's needed? Nurture, [[🕯️ Self-Stewardship]] - If no, is the part willing to [[🕯️ Unblending|unblend]]? [[F4 — Feel Toward]]. - If yes, what's needed? - If no, call on a resource. A friend, a mentor, a teacher, a spiritual figure, [[⭐️ Community Care]]. Call a sponsor before you relapse. [[💡 Presence|Presence]] of another. If not available, [[🕯️ Self-Regulation]]. Come back to center, then revisit. Sometimes something wants attention and comes forward with a problem or concern. Like a parent, nurture the relationship. - embrace %%