🔼: [[💡 Emotional Regulation]], [[⭐️ Self-Care]], [[🕯️ Self-Stewardship]] #### 🕯️ Self-Regulation Unassisted [[💡 Emotional Regulation|Emotional Regulation]]. %% Through a parts lens, [[🔑 all Emotional Regulation is Co-Regulation]], so I sometimes reframe this as ‘Internal [[⭐️ Co-Regulation]].’ %% Some of us learn to do this in childhood through [[⭐️ Co-Regulation]] as our caregivers held, supported, soothed us, attuned to us, or helped us [[🕯️ Pendulation|🕯️ pendulate]] and [[🕯️ Titration|🕯️ titrate]] (though likely without calling it that – that'd be weird). Unfortunately many of us didn’t get enough of it. We may have learned [[🛡️ Emotional Suppression]] and have a long backlog of unfelt [[⭐️ Emotions]] which over time become even more intrusive and difficult to feel through. Learning [[🕯️ Tending to feelings|🦮 how to tend to our feelings]] helps us clear our emotional buildup as they arise. ###### Keys - [[🔑 Emotional Suppression is often mistaken for Care]] - [[🔑 Care, Maintenance, and Regulation can overlap and synergize]] - [[🔑 Emotional Regulation is not the end goal]] - [[🔑 Emotional Regulation can be Presence-led or Parts-led]] - The more experience we have with [[⭐️ Co-Regulation]], the easier Self-Regulation becomes. - 🔑 Self-regulation is great, but [[🔑 we need each other]]. This isn’t a replacement for connection or [[⭐️ Co-Regulation]]. - [[🔑 Slow down when fear gets involved in a decision]] ###### How to Self-Regulate The point of Self-Regulation is to create enough safety that we are able to turn toward and attune to our emotions, or at least let them flow while we’re attending to something externally. > [!tip] Tip: Practice before you need it > Different practices work for different people. If we [[🔑 Trust your experience and intuition|🔑 find what works for us]] ahead of time and practice ahead of time, we’re more likely to have the presence of mind to lean on them when we need to. > > **Our [[💡 Protector Parts|Protectors]] have potentially decades of practice at their jobs.** It may take time for them to trust us to regulate instead of escape our emotions. > > If you are currently triggered, see: [[⭐️ Safety Tools and Resources]]. %% - The first step is noticing the parts of us who want those feelings to stop. - Ask this part of you to not overwhelm you. - Get a sense of the part. - Speak to them. - Breathing Space through the hand. - Making Space with the hands. - Inviting the emotion to take up as much space in your body as it wants %% > [!tip] > Consider making your own list and putting it somewhere visible, where it doesn’t have to be searched for. | Tools | Practices | Assistance & Supports | | :--------------------------: | :-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------: | :----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------: | | [[🛠 Dopamine Menu]] | [[⭐️ Self-Care]] | [[⭐️ Safety Tools and Resources]] | | [[🛠 Anchors]] | [[🛠 Ideal Parent Figure Protocol]] | [[🦮 How to Soothe Triggered Parts]] | | [[🛠 Bilateral Stimulation]] | [[🧘 Loving-Kindness (Metta) Meditation]] | [[⭐️ Outdoors]] | | [[🛠 Sacred Space]] | [[🕯️ Grounding]] | [[⭐️ Co-Regulation\|⭐️ Comfort in Company]] | | [[Emotional Venting]] | [[🧘 Samatha Meditation]] | [[🦮 How to Recover from Trauma#Phase 1 Safety and Stabilization\|Safety & Stabalization]] | | [[🛠 Self-Massage]] | [[🕯️ Pendulation]] & [[🕯️ Titration]] | [[⭐️ Community Care#🦮 How to know when you need help, and how to ask\|🦮 Ask for help]] | | [[🛠 Music]] | [[🕯️ Breathwork 💨]] | [[🛠 Medication]] | | “…for now..” | [[🛠 Self-Soothing]] | | | | [[🕯️ Journaling]], writing [[Poetry]], making [[Art]] | | | | Focusing on one thing at a time | | | | Moving slowly and mindfully <br>([[👟 Asana Practice]], [[🕯️ Qigong]], [[👟 Walking]] outside, gentle [[👟 Stretching]]) | | | | [[🛠 Dance]], [[🕯️ Tension & Trauma Release Exercises (TRE)]], <br>[[🛠 Wavy Wiggles]], <br>or just shaking out tension | | | | [[🕯️ Tending to feelings]] | | | | [[🛠️ Prone Side-Eye Exercise]] | | | | [[🛠️ Cold Exposure]] | | | | Playing an instrument | | | | Cooking a meal | | | | Hobbies, especially outside | | | | Finding [[💡 Awe\|Awe]] | | If our feelings are too [[💡 Overwhelm|overwhelming]], the wise and [[☀️ Compassion|☀️ compassionate]] thing to do might be to take a break and come back to it later. The [[🛠 Pendulation Toolkit]] can help. It can be helpful to take note of whatever it was that caused us to need this resource in the moment in something like a [[🛠 Parts Log]]. This way we can refer back and revisit those [[💡 Parts|Parts]] when we feel safe enough. [^1]: