🔼: [[💡 Emotional Regulation]], [[⭐️ Self-Care]], [[🕯️ Self-Stewardship]] #### 🕯️ Self-Regulation Unassisted [[💡 Emotional Regulation|Emotional Regulation]]. %% Through a parts lens, [[🔑 all Emotional Regulation is Co-Regulation]], so I sometimes reframe this as ‘Internal [[⭐️ Co-Regulation]].’ %% Some of us learn to do this in childhood through [[⭐️ Co-Regulation]] as our caregivers held, supported, soothed us, attuned to us, or helped us [[🕯️ Pendulation|🕯️ pendulate]] and [[🕯️ Titration|🕯️ titrate]] (though likely without calling it that). Unfortunately many of us didn’t get enough of it. We may have learned [[🛡️ Emotional Suppression]] and have a long backlog of unfelt [[⭐️ Emotions]] which over time become even more intrusive and difficult to feel through. Learning [[🕯️ Tending to feelings|🦮 how to tend to our feelings]] helps us clear our emotional buildup as they arise. ###### Keys - [[🔑 Emotional Suppression is often mistaken for Care]] - [[🔑 Care, Maintenance, and Regulation can overlap and synergize]] - The more experience we have with [[⭐️ Co-Regulation]], the easier Self-Regulation becomes. - 🔑 Self-regulation is great, but [[🔑 we need each other]]. This isn’t a replacement for connection or [[⭐️ Co-Regulation]]. - [[🔑 Slow down when fear gets involved in a decision]] ###### How to Self-Regulate The point of Self-Regulation is to create enough safety that we are able to turn toward and attune to our emotions, or at least let them flow while we’re attending to something externally. Remember, [[🔑 emotional regulation is not the end goal]] and it won’t address the underlying issues that cause our [[💡 Emotional Dysregulation|dysregulation]]. While this is an essential skill, [[🔑 Emotional Regulation can be Presence-led or Parts-led|🔑 it can also become another protector strategy]] as we down-regulate ourselves into a kind of stupor. Self-Regulation done wisely can help us [[🔑 do the next right thing]], or to make the wise choice in the direction of addressing an underlying issue because it gives us more space to see more clearly. > [!tip] Tip: Practice before you need it > Different practices work for different people. If we find what works for us ahead of time and practice ahead of time, we’re more likely to have the presence of mind to lean on them when we need to. > > **Our [[💡 Protector Parts|Protectors]] have potentially decades of practice at their jobs.** It may take time for them to trust us to regulate instead of escape our emotions. > > If you are currently triggered, see: [[⭐️ Safety Tools and Resources]]. %% - The first step is noticing the parts of us who want those feelings to stop. - Ask this part of you to not overwhelm you. - Get a sense of the part. - Speak to them. - Breathing Space through the hand. - Making Space with the hands. - Inviting the emotion to take up as much space in your body as it wants %% > [!tip] > Consider making your own list and putting it somewhere visible, where it doesn’t have to be searched for. A few very simple practices to try right now: - Breathe in, then hum on the exhale. - Breathe in for six seconds, then out for six seconds. - Touch something, anything, and feel its texture while moving your hand. - Focus your attention on the bottom of your feet. - Listen to the silence between sounds or spoken words. | Tools | Practices | Assistance & Supports | | :--------------------------: | :-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------: | :----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------: | | [[🛠 Dopamine Menu]] | [[⭐️ Self-Care]] | [[⭐️ Safety Tools and Resources]] | | [[🛠 Anchors]] | [[🛠 Ideal Parent Figure Protocol]] | [[🦮 How to Soothe Triggered Parts]] | | [[🛠 Bilateral Stimulation]] | [[🧘 Loving-Kindness (Metta) Meditation]] | [[⭐️ Outdoors]] | | [[🛠 Sacred Space]] | [[🕯️ Grounding]] | [[⭐️ Co-Regulation\|⭐️ Comfort in Company]] | | [[Emotional Venting]] | [[🧘 Samatha Meditation]] | [[🦮 How to Recover from Trauma#Phase 1 Safety and Stabilization\|Safety & Stabalization]] | | [[🛠 Self-Massage]] | [[🕯️ Pendulation]] & [[🕯️ Titration]] | [[⭐️ Community Care#🦮 How to know when you need help, and how to ask\|🦮 Ask for help]] | | [[🛠 Music]] | [[🕯️ Breathwork 💨]] | [[🛠 Medication]] | | “…for now..” | [[🛠 Self-Soothing]] | | | | [[🕯️ Journaling]], writing [[Poetry]], making [[Art]] | | | | Focusing on one thing at a time | | | | Moving slowly and mindfully <br>([[👟 Asana Practice]], [[🕯️ Qigong]], [[👟 Walking]] outside, gentle [[👟 Stretching]]) | | | | [[🛠 Dance]], [[🕯️ Tension & Trauma Release Exercises (TRE)]], <br>[[🛠 Wavy Wiggles]], <br>or just shaking out tension | | | | [[🕯️ Tending to feelings]] | | | | [[🛠️ Prone Side-Eye Exercise]] | | | | [[🛠️ Cold Exposure]] | | | | Playing an instrument | | | | Cooking a meal | | | | Hobbies, especially outside | | | | Finding [[💡 Awe\|Awe]] | | If our feelings are too [[💡 Overwhelm|overwhelming]], the wise and [[☀️ Compassion|☀️ compassionate]] thing to do might be to take a break and come back to it later. The [[🛠 Pendulation Toolkit]] can help. It can be helpful to take note of whatever it was that caused us to need this resource in the moment in something like a [[🛠 Parts Log]]. This way we can refer back and revisit those [[💡 Parts|Parts]] when we feel safe enough. [^1]: