🔼: [[⭐️ Self-Love]], [[🕯️ Self-Stewardship]], [[⭐️ Rest and Restoration]] #### ⭐️ Self-Care Self-Care is self-nourishment, nurturing ourselves the way we would someone we love; it is care from ourself to our all the different [[💡 Parts|parts]] of ourselves, including our [[⭐️ Body]]. It is reserving some of our time, energy, and resources to be poured into ourself. This is a facet of [[🕯️ Self-Stewardship]] and can involve meeting our [[⭐️ Needs]], aligning with our [[⭐ Values]], promoting our healing, or aiding our growth. It’s a kind of self-investment. %% - [[🛡️ Codependency]] %% - [[🔑 There is no such thing as Self-Care|🔑 There is no such thing as (traditional) Self-Care]] - [[🔑 Emotional Suppression is often mistaken for Care]] - [[🔑 Care, Maintenance, and Regulation can overlap and synergize]] - [[🔑 Not all pleasure has to be earned]] - [[✍️ The Myth of Self-Reliance]] - [[🔑 We need each other]] - [[🔑 Listen to your body]] - [[🔑 We need Nothing]] - [[🔑 We tend to value what we pay attention to (and vice versa)]] - [[🔑 Emotional Regulation can be Presence-led or Parts-led]] - [[🔑 Do the next right thing]] - [[🔑 Don’t pursue worthiness]] ![[⭐️ Emotions#⭐️ Emotions When Needs Are Satisfied]] ![[⭐️ Emotions#⭐️ Emotions When Needs Are Not Satisfied]] ###### Self-Care Menu [[⭐️ Self-Care]] is about [[⭐️ Needs]] being met, not just feeling better so that we don’t notice them going unmet. In order to meet our needs, we need to know what they are. Because of this, most self-care begins with self-connection, even if that means noticing our internal responses to our exterior lives. If we don’t feel like we know ourselves, if we feel like we’re not whole, we almost certainly are disconnected from various [[💡 Parts|parts]] of ourselves. Self care means allowing our [[⭐️ Body]] and [[⭐️ Inner-Compass]] guide us — not an external prescription from social media algorithms or wellness gurus. We can’t let our feeds, notifications, calendars, routines, or associative thinking tell us what to pay attention to or what we need. It’s meant to go the other way around. > [!info] > Self-Care has been largely co-opted by consumerism. We’re taught that it means spending money on luxuries and non-essentials all by ourselves. It *can* be that, gifting ourselves with things and experiences we enjoy is sometimes what we need, but this easily become a [[Protector Strategies 🛡️|Protector Strategy]], what some call [[🛡️ Retail Therapy]]. This is not self-care. To use the Menu, we read slowly while paying attention to how our bodies, minds, and hearts respond. We take note of what resonates most leaning into intuition more than rationality. We might even ask ourselves, without thinking about the answer, “What sounds good today?” or “What do I need right now?” and notice what arises. If the list feels generic or uninteresting, it might as well be empty. We cannot standardize being human, Self-Care cannot be prescriptive. If doing whatever ‘Self-Care thing’ wouldn’t be nourishing or enriching, it's not Self-Care! Making a list of things that do feel good, nurturing, and restorative to us can help us get to know ourselves. If self-care feels burdensome, like a draining chore… - We may be caring for ourselves in ways that don’t match our actual [[⭐️ Needs]] or [[🛠️ Goals and Intentions|Goals]]. - We may not be attuned to the somatic sensations which tell us what is nourishing and what is taxing. - A part of us may feel like we are not worth taking care of. - A part of us doesn’t feel safe to feel cared for. - A part of us believes self-care should be effortless. - We may think it is always about doing more, when it often is about doing less or doing differently — finding [[Practices 🕯️]] or activities that truly feel nurturing. - We are checking of a list of “[[💡 Should Statements|shoulds]]”. - We see self-care as an item on the list rather than a lifestyle change that weaves self-care into the whole of our day and our relationship to ourselves. - We actually need [[⭐️ Community Care]]. Self-care is generative and restorative. Focus on what brings peace, joy, or relaxation. What would make doing the other things easier? Do we need help? Are we trying to do too much all by ourselves? These are meant to be expressions of [[☀️ Compassion]], [[🕯️ Love]], and care; this is about making contact and satisfying our [[⭐️ Needs]], *not* making emotions go away. [[🛡️ Emotional Foreclosure]] makes Self-Care quite difficult. - [[🕯️ Tending to feelings]] - [[🕯️ Resourcing]] - [[🛠️ One Point Better]] - Remind yourself to focus on what you can control and to stop striving to control what you can't. - Occasional [[🛡️ Spiritual Bypassing]] — everyone needs a break. - Choosing foods, clothes, or other things that are nourishing and help us feel loved. - Remove stressful things from our to-do list that we don’t actually need to do. - [[Nurture]] - [[🕯️ Movement Practices 👟]] - [[👟 Stretching]] - [[⭐️ Sleep]] or take a comfy nap. - [[⭐️ Rest and Restoration]] - [[💡 Grief|Grieving]] - Setting [[🕯️ Boundaries]] - Have a do-nothing day every week. - Massage / [[🛠 Self-Massage]] - A simple skincare routine. - Soak your feet. - Sink into a comfortable chair - Wrap in a cozy blanket - Drive with your windows down - Create an intentional morning routine. - Make relaxation a priority. - Relax in the sun - Cloud watching - Get [[⭐️ Outdoors]], somewhere pretty - Light a candle and watch the flame - [[🧘 Loving-Kindness (Metta) Meditation]] - Part of Self-Care is knowing when we need or even would like care from others. Nurturing [[⭐️ Relationships]] and [[⭐️ Community Care]]. - Call a friend we haven't talked to in a while. - Hang out with pets. If we don't have any pets, we could go walk at the park and ask to pet someone else's. - Being nice to a stranger for no reason. - Give affection for no reason. - Cuddling a partner, friend, pet, stuffed animal, or a big fluffy pillow. We can hug ourself and be amused at how adorable we are. - Go [[👟 Walking]] in the park and hug some trees. - [[🕯️ Journaling]] - [[🕯️ Gratitude]] - Look at photos of loved ones - Listen or move to [[🛠 Music]]. - Create a playlist that will get you through rough days. - Read Fiction - Coloring / Art / Pastels - Cute animal videos. - A long, luxurious shower or [[🌿 Herbal Bath]] with music, candles, and smell-goods. [[Aromatherapy]] - Put on comfy clothes - Eating yummy stuff, even something super indulgent from time to time. - Take a selfie - If we're tired, what's something small that might help even a tiny bit? - Herbal tea - Smell some flowers - Smell [[🌿 Lavender]] or vanilla - Light a scented candle - Deeply breathe in fresh air - Open a package of coffee and inhale the aroma - Boil cinnamon - Watch a funny movie or show - Look at photos from a past vacation or somewhere you'd like to visit - Pay attention to the sounds of nature/around you. - [You Feel Like Shit](https://philome.la/jace_harr/you-feel-like-shit-an-interactive-self-care-guide/play/index.html), for when we have no motivation. - [[🕯️ Tending to feelings]] ###### Related - [[💡 Burnout|Burnout]] - [[⭐️ Rest and Restoration]] [^1]: https://www.take5tosavelives.org/practiceselfcare