###### 🔑 Tell and act the truth (when you can) Being [[🕯️ Integrity|authentic]], telling and acting the truth, is one of the simplest ways to come into alignment and harmonize our lives. - When we tell the truth, we become more integrated and strong, when we can't be honest we become fragmented and brittle. Our lives become convoluted and confused, and it takes substantial inner-resources to maintain this. - When we are [[🕯️ Integrity|authentic]], when we tell the truth to the best of our ability, life tends to self-organize. Our people will find us, and we’ll filter the ones who aren’t right for us. - [[🔑 Don't stay where you don't want to be]]. If we have to lie to stay where we are, it may not be the place for us and it could be hurting us to be there. Tell the truth and allow the consequences, life will start to organize itself. [[🔑 The bad news is you're in free fall, the good news is there is no ground]]. - [[🔑 The early stage of a relationship cements a precedent]]. Telling the truth is our best chance at seeing them change. **We cannot have an intimate relationship without honesty**. If someone is routinely dishonest with us, we must consider [[🦮 How to Conclude a Relationship|🦮 concluding the relationship]]. - Telling someone how you feel, reaching out first, is never going to ruin a real connection. - Speak warmly and clearly. - “Say what you mean, but don’t say it mean.” - THINK: Timely, honest, insightful necessary, kind - We want to bring our full selves into every interaction. That said, we don’t just say whatever whenever. We need to balance our authentic feelings, thoughts, and reactions with **kindness and consideration.** It is a life-long journey to master this balancing act, and in our authentic humaning, we will invariably make mistakes and missteps. %%- The exploding doormat. Doormat with a firework under it.%% > [!important] > Sometimes *not* telling the truth is exactly the right thing to do. But that doesn't necessarily mean we have to lie. We can refuse to answer a question, refuse to participate in a dynamic altogether. If we listen to ourselves talk and we feel some level of shame, *sometimes* it's because we're not being authentic or we're reciting someone else’s ideas, we aren’t speaking our even hearing our own voice. If you feel nervous, say it. If you want help and are afraid to admit it, say that. %% Do not [[💡 Mind-Reading|Mind-Read]], do not interpret, We want to trust our [[Intuition]] but know its limitations. We give [[Mirroring]]. Telling the truth is a skill. Many people lie to control others and avoid pain. But many of us lie because we don't know how to tell the truth, especially when it's hard. - Gendersauce on helping children access their honesty: https://www.instagram.com/gendersauce/p/DJRnfvAtXjZ - Shame drives dishonesty, compassion removes shame. %% ###### Related - [[🕯️ Generative Conflict|Conflict]] - [[💡 Self-Intimacy|Self-Intimacy]] - [[🕯️ Journaling]] - [[💡 The Shadow]] - [[🔑 Do it imperfectly]] [^1]: