🔼: [[Beliefs]], [[⭐️ Individuation]], [[⭐️ Inner-Compass]], [[💡 Self-Intimacy|Self-Intimacy]] ##### ⭐ Values Our values are...what we value. They are broad, enduring principles which emerge out of constellations of [[Beliefs]]. They reflect what a person or a group considers important, desirable, or morally right; they shape our worldview and guide our inner and outer decisions. They can be personal and [[💡 Intrinsic Motivation|Intrinsic]], emerging from the interplay of external influences and personal beliefs, and vary wildly from culture-to-culture, family-to-family, person-to-person, even part-to-part. Our [[💡 Parts|Parts]] might compete over which should be most adhered to. As a part of [[⭐️ Individuation]] our values are ever-evolving with greater specificity because we are always changing and because most of us are taught to value what other people value, to care about what other people care about, and not to actually work out what we ourselves are drawn toward and driven by. Some examples: - [[Discipline]] - Financial Stability - [[☀️ Connection]], [[⭐️ Community]], and [[⭐️ Relationships]] - [[💡 Interdependence]] - Freedom - Responsibility - [[☀️ Curiosity]] - Environmental Stewardship (Sustainability) - [[💡 Authenticity]] - [[💡 Solidarity]] - [[☀️ Creativity]] - [[💡 Resilience|Resilience]] - [[⭐ Spirituality]] - [[⭐️ Self-Care]] - [[☀️ Compassion]] Our values grow out of our [[Beliefs]], which are themselves the meanings and conclusions we make out of our experiences. Often when we're suffering and feeling lost it's because we're holding many [[💡 Burdens 🪨|mistaken beliefs 🪨]], which means our [[⭐️ Inner-Compass]] is using faulty information. Our values can be [[💡 Trailheads|trailheads]]. By looking at [[💡 Habits & Routines|Habits]] and behaviors that suggest our values, values that suggest our beliefs, and beliefs that point to experiences, we can help our inner-ecosystems re-harmonize. When our beliefs change, our values often do too. Our values are always enacted whether we know what they are or not, we don’t need to think about them for that to happen. Our actions and attitudes are always speaking something about our truth, though what that truth is may not be obvious until we [[🕯️ Parts Practices|🕯️ get to know those parts]]. If we’re unhappy or suffering, it isn’t because we don’t have values, but because the values we’re living in are in contradiction or disorganized. They might be informed or heavily offset by [[💡 Burdens 🪨|Burdens]] or even [[🪨 Inherited Burdens|🪨 Cultural Burdens]] or a [[💡 Protector Parts|Protector Part]] compensating for them, or we might be in a [[💡 Trauma|traumatic]] situation and have no other obvious choice but to compromise on our values to stay safe. ###### Uncovering Values Uncovering and clarifying our values can help us get an up-close look at our [[⭐️ Inner-Compass]] and [[🦮 How to make decisions|🦮 make decisions]] when we have conflicting [[🛠️ Goals and Intentions|Goals]], [[💡 Desires|desires]], and [[💡 Wants|wants]]. Our values give us a foundation for making choices that are more in line with our [[💡 Authenticity|authentic]] selves. This close-up also helps us to notice [[💡 Trailheads|trailheads]] and the [[💡 Parts|Parts]] they lead to who need our attention and care. Because our time and attention are our most precious resources, we tend give our attention either to what we value or to something relevant to what we value. %%- [[🔑 We pay attention to what we most value]]%% We can start by noticing to what we give our time and attention to, either for its own sake or in service of something else. For example, we may focus on our work, but that could be because we value something about the work itself or because we value predictability or financial security. We may spend a lot of time reading, either because we value learning or because we value the [[💡 Emotional Regulation|Emotional Regulation]] that comes with getting lost in a book. Of course, it could be both or lots of things or something else entirely. Our values are always authentic expressions of our [[beliefs|current understandings]], which will be off if they’re grounded in [[💡 Burdens 🪨|Burdens]], mistakes, or even just incomplete information or the misinformation our traumatizers gave us (which is grounded in their own embodied mistaken beliefs and woundings). An inauthentic value (what we might call a rule) arises when someone adopts or expresses something that doesn’t align with their true thoughts, feelings, or priorities. It might be influenced by [[🛡️ People-Pleasing|external pressures]], [[🪨 Inherited Burdens|societal expectations]], or [[🛡️ Performing|an attempt to conform without internal resonance]]. But even this suggests an authentic value — of safety, connection, belonging, or keeping the peace. - Reflect on your core beliefs about basically anything – life, morality, relationships. Our values are rooted in them. - Consider you admire or look up to. What qualities do you appreciate about them? - [[🕯️ Boundaries]]: What are your [[Non-Negotiables]] in different areas of your life, such as work, [[⭐️ Relationships]], or personal space? These boundaries often reflect your values. - Consider significant past decisions. What influenced them? These decisions can reveal your underlying values - Consider what you [[💡 Regret|Regret]]. What are the lessons you learn from them? What do they say about your values? - Notice [[💡 Confirmation Bias|Confirmation Bias]]. What's being confirmed? - What are your current sources of inner-conflict or [[💡 Polarization|polarization]]? Sometimes they involve contradictory values. > “Feeling tells us how and to what extent a thing is important to us.” > — [[👤 Carl Jung]] - [[🔑 Principles, rules, labels, and judgments are mental shortcuts borne of experience]]. To what do we give a strong yes or a harsh no? Where does [[🛡️ Criticizing|criticism]] arise? What makes us feel energized and excited? These often point to our values. - Exploring interests, trying new things, and paying attention to moments of fulfillment and pleasure can highlight them. Consider moments when we felt most fulfilled or proud. What were the underlying factors that contributed to those feelings? - [[🕯️ Journaling]] about experiences and [[⭐️ Emotions]], noting what we get emotional about. - [[🕯️ Mindfulness]] practices like [[🕯️ Meditation 🧘|Meditation]], especially in [[💡 Silence|silence]], can help us notice where our attention is pulled and thus what we care about. - [[⭐️ Internal Family Systems|Internal Family Systems]] helps us get to know [[💡 Parts|Parts]], which always involves learning about their values and concerns. - [[💡 Narrative Therapy|Narrative Therapy]] helps us explore and reshape our life stories, shedding light on our values. - [[💡 Existential Therapy|Existential Therapy]] encourages confronting life’s meaning, aiding in value identification. - [[💡 Person-centered Therapy|Person-centered Therapy]] fosters self-exploration and can be instrumental in aligning with our values. - [[💡 Acceptance and Commitment Therapy|Acceptance and Commitment Therapy]] is all about clarifying and aligning ourselves with our values. - [[💡 Cognitive Behavioral Therapy|Cognitive Behavioral Therapy]] explores thought patterns ([[💡 Trailheads|trailheads]]) affecting values. - which can give us an in to meeting with [[💡 Parts|Parts]]. - [[🤝 Become a Client]] %% - [[🧘 Death Meditation]] - [[💡 The Five Remembrances]] - What are my [[⭐ Values]]? - Are they mine, or did I inherit them? - What [[💡 Burdens 🪨|Burdens]] (experiences and emotions) am I holding? - Can I [[🦮 How to feel your feelings|🦮 metabolize current emotions]]? - What parts of me do I hide from the world? From myself? [[💡 Exiles|Exiles]], [[💡 Protectors-in-Exile|Protectors-in-Exile]], [[💡 The Shadow]]. - How, when, where do those parts influence aspects of my life? - Explore your [[💡 Burdens 🪨|Burdens]] and [[💡 Samskara|Samskaras]] and the mistaken beliefs that inform your values and principles. - %% ###### Following Values to Parts After we're able to name what some of our values are, we can take some time to consider how these values show up in our behaviors and decisions and what kind of results we're getting compared to what we'd like. These are [[💡 Trailheads|trailheads]]. As we uncover our values we’re likely to find at least a few that don’t make sense to us or that we behave in ways that are strangely out of alignment with them. We may know in our heart of hearts that they’re grounded in [[💡 Burdens 🪨|mistaken beliefs 🪨]] or [[🪨 Inherited Burdens|🪨 don’t belong to us]]. Even if this is true, we have those beliefs for a reason, and we can get in touch with the [[💡 Parts|Parts]] who have them, learn why, and (if they want it) help them. For example, any of us value kindness, but we may have [[💡 Parts|Parts]] with mistaken beliefs about what it means to be kind, or what kindness looks like. We may have [[💡 Protector Parts|Protector Parts]] who use [[🛡️ Performing]] and [[🛡️ People-Pleasing]] because they or other parts have mistaken [[beliefs]] or even [[💡 Burdens 🪨|Burdens]] about what it is to be kind or good. But we don't just think about this or talk ourselves out of anything – [[🕯️ Parts Practices|🕯️ get to know those parts]]. When we uncover a value or value-informing belief, intuit the belief(s) they grow out of. Speak the belief aloud and notice the [[💡 Trailheads|trailheads]] that arise. Follow them. %% | Principles | Rules | |:----------------------------:|:-----------------------------:| | Drive behavior intrinsically | Govern behavior extrinsically | | Derived from our Values | Derived from others’ values | ###### Beliefs, Values, and Principles A belief is a specific conviction or acceptance that something is true or exists. Values provide a foundation for guiding principles. Principles organize us. They serve as specific guidelines derived from values and, in turn, guide behavior. But principles and values inform each other, their relationship is reciprocal. Values influence principles, and principles, through behavioral expression, can reinforce or reshape values. The reciprocal relationship between principles and values suggests that they can influence and shape each other over time. It doesn't necessarily imply [[💡 Confirmation Bias|Confirmation Bias]] of existing beliefs; rather, it acknowledges the dynamic nature of how values and principles can interact and evolve. [[Anchoring Bias]]. Confirmation bias is more about the selective processing of information to support existing beliefs, whereas the reciprocal relationship speaks to the mutual influence and feedback loop between values and principles. - Our principles grow out of our values; - rules come from other people’s values. - Beliefs are formed by experiences. %% [^1]: