🔼: [[Beliefs]], [[⭐️ Self-Becoming]], [[⭐️ Inner-Compass]], [[💡 Self-Intimacy|Self-Intimacy]] #### ⭐ Values Our values are...what we value, what’s important to us. To value something fully is to [[💡 Wants|want]] or [[💡 Desires|desire]] it, to feel something about it, and have it guide decisions and inform our sense of how life is going. Values reflect what a person or a group considers important, [[💡 Desires|desirable]], or morally right; they shape our worldview. They are enduring principles which emerge out of constellations of [[beliefs]] and [[⭐️ Emotions|⭐️ feelings]]. They can be personal and [[💡 Intrinsic Motivation|Intrinsic]], or internalized expectations put on us by others. They emerge from the interplay of external influences and personal beliefs, and vary wildly from culture-to-culture, family-to-family, person-to-person, even [[💡 Parts|part]]-to-part. As a part of [[⭐️ Self-Becoming]] our values are ever-evolving with greater specificity because we are always changing. Put simply, they are the magnets our [[⭐️ Inner-Compass]] orients to. Many of us were taught to value what other people value, which pulls us away from what we ourselves are drawn toward and driven by, though we can reconnect. > [!example]- Examples of Values > Notice what resonates. > - Ourselves, our own well-being > - [[Discipline]] > - Financial Stability > - [[☀️ Connection]], [[⭐️ Community]], and [[⭐️ Relationships]] > - [[💡 Interdependence|Interdependence]] > - [[💡 Emotional Regulation|Emotional Regulation]] > - Freedom > - Responsibility > - Aesthetics > - Beauty > - [[☀️ Curiosity]] > - Environmental Stewardship (Sustainability) > - [[🕯️ Integrity]] > - [[💡 Solidarity]] > - [[☀️ Creativity]] > - Innovation > - [[💡 Resilience|Resilience]] > - [[⭐ Spirituality]] > - [[⭐️ Self-Care]] > - [[☀️ Compassion]] > - [[🛠 Music]] > - [[Art]] > - [[💡 Play|Play]] > > - Accountability > - Achievement > - Adaptability > - Adventure > - Altruism > - Ambition > - Authenticity > - Balance > - Beauty > - Being the best > - Belonging > - Career > - Caring > - Collaboration > - Commitment > - Community > - Compassion > - Competence > - Confidence > - Connection > - Contentment > - Contribution > - Cooperation > - Courage > - Creativity > - Curiosity > - Dignity > - Diversity > - Environment > - Efficiency > - Equality > - Ethics > - Excellence > - Fairness > - Faith > - Family > - Financial stability > - Forgiveness > - Freedom > - Friendship > > - Fun > - Future generations > - Generosity > - Giving back > - Grace > - Gratitude > - Growth > - Harmony > - Health > - Home > - Honesty > - Hope > - Humility > - Humor > - Inclusion > - Independence > - Initiative > - Integrity > - Intuition > - Job security > - Joy > - Justice > - Kindness > - Knowledge > - Leadership > - Learning > - Legacy > - Leisure > - Love > - Loyalty > - Making a difference > - Nature > - Openness > - Optimism > - Order > - Parenting > - Patience > - Patriotism > - Peace > - Perseverance > > - Personal fulfillment > - Power > - Pride > - Recognition > - Reliability > - Resourcefulness > - Respect > - Responsibility > - Risk-taking > - Safety > - Security > - Self-discipline > - Self-expression > - Self-respect > - Serenity > - Service > - Simplicity > - Spirituality > - Sportsmanship > - Stewardship > - Success > - Teamwork > - Thrift > - Time > - Tradition > - Travel > - Trust > - Truth > - Understanding > - Uniqueness > - Usefulness > - Vision > - Vulnerability > - Wealth > - Well-being > - Wholeheartedness > - Wisdom %% - [[🔑 Tools and technologies have values built into them]] %% - [[🔑 Make aligned and compassionate decisions]] ##### The Role of Values >"Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate." >— Carl Jung Our values are always in play whether we can articulate them or not, our actions and attitudes are expressions of them. If we’re unhappy or suffering, we might be in a distressing situation where we have no obvious choice but to compromise on some of our values to stay safe (we value safety!). [[🔑 Protectors are dedicated to maintaining their idea of safety, balance and homeostasis|🔑 Our protectors value our safety and emotional stability]]. Sometimes we’re unhappy because our values are in contradiction or disorganized, and the ones being prioritized aren’t actually the most important to us, which drains our aliveness. Our values are informed by our [[beliefs]], and often when we're suffering and feeling lost it's because we're holding many [[💡 Burdens 🪨|mistaken beliefs 🪨]], which *misinform* our values. This means our [[⭐️ Inner-Compass]] is using a misleading map, which can lead us astray to at least some degree. Our values are always authentic expressions of our current understandings, which will be off if they’re grounded in [[💡 Burdens 🪨|Burdens]], mistakes, or even just incomplete information or misinformation (which, in the case of people who’ve hurt is, is grounded in their own mistaken beliefs and wounds). %%An inauthentic value (what we might call a ”rule”) arises when someone adopts or expresses something that doesn’t align with their true thoughts, feelings, or priorities. It might be influenced by [[🛡️ People-Pleasing|external pressures]], [[🪨 Inherited Burdens|societal expectations]], or [[🛡️ Performing|an attempt to conform without internal resonance]]. But even this suggests an authentic value — of safety, connection, belonging, or keeping the peace. %% Uncovering and clarifying our values can help us bring our [[⭐️ Attention]] to and get an up-close look at our [[⭐️ Inner-Compass]]. This can help us [[🦮 How to make decisions|🦮 make decisions]] when we have conflicting [[🛠️ Goals and Intentions|Goals]], [[💡 Desires|desires]], and [[💡 Wants|wants]]. Our values give us a foundation for making choices that are more in line with our [[🕯️ Integrity|authentic]] selves and [[💡 Strengths and Weaknesses|Gifts]], which makes us come more alive. This close-up also helps us to notice [[💡 Trailheads|trailheads]] and [[💡 Parts|Parts]] who need us. ##### Uncovering Values [[🔑 We tend to value what we pay attention to (and vice versa)]], so we can start just by noticing what we pay our time and attention to day-to-day. It can be helpful to practice [[🕯️ Mindfulness]] and take time to not only reflect on our values, but unwrap them: what specifically is important to us about them? If we spend an hour on our phone, why? What is it giving us? What emotions are up when we’re doing it? [[🔑 Our doings arise out of our being]] — they’re an expression of something in us, like our values. Is it escaping something or connecting with something? > [!example] Examples > - We may focus on our work, but that could be because we value something about the work itself or because we value predictability or financial security or a mix of things. We might also find our jobs stressful because other values are going unfulfilled. > - We may spend a lot of time reading, either because we value learning or because we a [[💡 Protector Parts|Protector Part]] values the peace that comes with getting lost in a story or something else. - [[🕯️ Mindfulness]] practices like [[🕯️ Meditation 🧘|Meditation]], especially in [[💡 Silence|silence]], can help us notice where our attention is pulled and thus what we care about. - When we’re doing (or not doing) something, it’s occasionally worth pausing to ask: what am I valuing right now? - Reflect on your beliefs about basically anything – life, morality, relationships. Our values are rooted in them. - Consider people you admire or look up to. What qualities do you appreciate about them? - If you were to leave Earth to live on a new planet, who and what all would you bring with you? - [[🕯️ Boundaries]]: What are your [[Non-Negotiables]] in different areas of your life, such as work, [[⭐️ Relationships]], or personal space? These boundaries often reflect your values. - Consider significant past decisions. What influenced them? These decisions can reveal your underlying values. - Notice [[💡 Confirmation Bias|Confirmation Bias]]. What's being confirmed? > “Feeling tells us how and to what extent a thing is important to us.” > — [[👤 Carl Jung]] Thinking isn’t enough to uncover our values because they also involve feelings, and because many of them are subconscious. Much of what we love and despise can be [[🛡️ Denying|🛡️ denied]], [[💡 Exiles|Exiled]], or hidden in our [[💡 The Shadow|shadow]] but they nonetheless have influence on our conscious lives. - Consider what you [[💡 Regret|Regret]]. What are the lessons you learn from them? What do they say about your values? - Notice bodily signs of [[💡 Stress|stress]] and [[⭐️ Emotions]]. - If we’re always [[💡 Boredom|bored]], yawning and checking the time while doing or pursuing something, it may not be a wholehearted value. If something we’ve chosen to do feels like a punishment, some [[💡 Parts|Parts]] of us might be into it while others aren’t. - What feels more like [[💡 Play|play]]? Pay attention to [[Flow State|Flow States]]. If we lose ourselves in the moment when we’re doing something, if we find ourselves “in the zone,” that might be something to highlight. - Exploring interests, trying new things, and paying attention to moments of fulfillment and pleasure can highlight them. Consider moments when we felt most fulfilled or proud. What were the underlying factors that contributed to those feelings? - [[🔑 Envy and Jealousy point to what's important to us]] - [[🕯️ Journaling]] about experiences and [[⭐️ Emotions]], noting what we get emotional about. Pay attention to what you *do* about your values and what emotional [[💡 Parts|Parts]] arise when you’re working towards them. This doesn’t mean questioning everything all the time. Constant reflection is counter-productive, because we aren’t making progress *doing* what you value. So, aim for moderate and occasional reflection of the right kind: the start of the new year, birthdays, during time off. Not when we’re [[💡 Overwhelm|overwhelmed]]. - What are your current sources of inner-conflict or [[💡 Polarization|polarization]]? Sometimes they involve contradictory values, which can make it challenging to fulfill them as various [[💡 Parts|parts]] of us might argue over which should be prioritized. Moving toward a [[🛠️ Goals and Intentions|Goal]] is easier when these are resolved. - [[🔑 Rules and words of wisdom have limited value]]. To what do we give a strong yes or a harsh no? Where does [[🛡️ Criticizing|criticism]] arise? What makes us feel energized and excited? These often point to our values. ###### Assistance Therapists, practitioners, coaches, loved ones, and trusted others can help us uncover our values. - [[⭐️ Internal Family Systems|Internal Family Systems]] helps us get to know [[💡 Parts|Parts]], which always involves learning about their values and concerns. The many [[💡 Parts|Parts]] of us are always involved in our values, including [[💡 Exiles|Exiles]] and the parts of us we’re not yet aware of. - [[💡 Narrative Therapy|Narrative Therapy]] helps us explore and reshape our life stories, shedding light on our values. - [[💡 Existential Therapy|Existential Therapy]] encourages confronting life’s meaning, aiding in value identification. - [[💡 Person-centered Therapy|Person-centered Therapy]] fosters self-exploration and can be instrumental in aligning with our values. - [[💡 Acceptance and Commitment Therapy|Acceptance and Commitment Therapy]] is all about clarifying and aligning ourselves with our values. - [[💡 Cognitive Behavioral Therapy|Cognitive Behavioral Therapy]] explores thought patterns ([[💡 Trailheads|trailheads]]) affecting values, which can give us an in to meeting with [[💡 Parts|Parts]]. - [[🦮 How to Find a Therapist]] - [[🧘 Practice With Me]] %% - [[🧘 Contemplating Impermanence]] - [[💡 The Five Remembrances]] - What are my [[⭐ Values]]? - Are they mine, or did I inherit them? - What [[💡 Burdens 🪨|Burdens]] (experiences and emotions) am I holding? - Can I [[🕯️ Tending to feelings|🦮 metabolize current emotions]]? - What parts of me do I hide from the world? From myself? [[💡 Exiles|Exiles]], [[💡 Protectors-in-Exile|Protectors-in-Exile]], [[💡 The Shadow]]. - How, when, where do those parts influence aspects of my life? - Explore your [[💡 Burdens 🪨|Burdens]] and [[💡 Samskara|Samskaras]] and the mistaken beliefs that inform your values and principles. %% Building a value-aligned life will not mean we are never sad, disappointed, envious, or conflicted, and it won’t cure our every distress. Values are only one facet of life and the world will continue to do world things. But it will mean further [[⭐️ Self-Becoming]], feeling less worried about making the ‘right’ decisions, becoming more [[💡 Resilience|resilient]]. Our [[⭐️ Inner-Compass]] is able to guide us and life becomes more fulfilling. ###### Following Values to Parts After we're able to name what some of our values are, we can take some time to consider how these values show up in our behaviors and decisions and what kind of results we're getting compared to what we'd like. Our values can be [[💡 Trailheads|trailheads]]. By looking at [[💡 Habits|habits]] and behaviors that suggest our values, values that suggest our beliefs, and beliefs that point to experiences, we can help our inner-ecosystems re-harmonize. As we uncover our values we’re likely to find at least a few that don’t make sense to us or that we behave in ways that are strangely out of alignment with them. We may know in our heart of hearts that they’re grounded in [[💡 Burdens 🪨|mistaken beliefs 🪨]] or [[🪨 Inherited Burdens|🪨 don’t belong to us]]. Even if this is true, we have those beliefs for a reason, and we can get in touch with the [[💡 Parts|Parts]] who have them, learn why, and (if they want it) help them. > [!example] > Many of us value kindness, but we may have [[💡 Protector Parts|Protector Parts]] who use [[🛡️ Performing]] and [[🛡️ People-Pleasing]]. They may have mistaken [[beliefs]] or even [[💡 Burdens 🪨|Burdens]] about what kindness or goodness looks like. [[🕯️ Part-Tending|🕯️ Get to know them]]. When we uncover a value or value-informing belief, intuit the belief(s) they grow out of. Speak the belief aloud and notice the [[💡 Trailheads|trailheads]] that arise. Follow them. ###### Real-Time Navigation - When we seem to be acting in a way that contradicts our values, we can check in and ask ourselves: what am I valuing right now? Connection or belonging? Conserving energy? We can then ask ourselves if that value is being misinformed by a [[💡 Burdens 🪨|mistaken belief 🪨]] and [[🕯️ Self-Stewardship|🕯️Reparent]] on the spot. - What deeper values aren't seeing the light of day? What are we putting off, what are the things that are most important and meaningful to us which are being postponed in favor of what we feel like we "have to" do? ###### See Also - [[🕯️ Remembrances]] %% | Principles | Rules | |:----------------------------:|:-----------------------------:| | Drive behavior intrinsically | Govern behavior extrinsically | | Derived from our Values | Derived from others’ values | ###### Beliefs, Values, and Principles A belief is a specific conviction or acceptance that something is true or exists. Values provide a foundation for guiding principles. Principles organize us. They serve as specific guidelines derived from values and, in turn, guide behavior. But principles and values inform each other, their relationship is reciprocal. Values influence principles, and principles, through behavioral expression, can reinforce or reshape values. The reciprocal relationship between principles and values suggests that they can influence and shape each other over time. It doesn't necessarily imply [[💡 Confirmation Bias|Confirmation Bias]] of existing beliefs; rather, it acknowledges the dynamic nature of how values and principles can interact and evolve. [[Anchoring Bias]]. Confirmation bias is more about the selective processing of information to support existing beliefs, whereas the reciprocal relationship speaks to the mutual influence and feedback loop between values and principles. How do I value myself? How do I not? [[Moral Injury]] %% [^1]: https://psyche.co/ideas/a-philosophical-approach-can-help-you-identify-what-truly-matters