🔼: [[Protector Strategies 🛡️]] ##### 🛡️ Criticizing Criticism is a [[Protector Strategies 🛡️|protector strategy 🛡️]] involving [[💡 Protector Parts|Protectors]] who make (negative **or** positive) evaluations, value judgments, and comparisons about other [[💡 Parts|Parts]] and the people and things around us. These [[💡 Protector Parts|Protectors]] are often "key players" in our inner-ecosystems — especially if we have a [[💡 Trauma|Trauma]] history. Some of us have critical [[💡 Protector Parts|Protectors]] who are so strong and so active that we start to hear their berating voices as harsh truths. We might [[💡 Blending|identify with them]] or the parts they criticize and then feel like we hate ourselves. Others might have us feeling so grandiose and puffed up that we feel we are somehow better than others or more worthy of consideration, happiness, or a higher quality-of-life. [[🔑 Multiple Protectors can use the same strategy]]. We might notice one who judges other people harshly, and then a second might judge the judging — "No, we shouldn't think that, that's horrible." The first might want to protect us from [[💡 Burdens 🪨|Burdens 🪨]] of feeling less-than, while the second may want to protect us from [[💡 Burdens 🪨|Burdens 🪨]] of feeling like a bad or ungenerous person. Critical [[💡 Protector Parts|Protectors]] are often more reviled and feared than [[💡 Exiles|Exiles]]. They tend to accidentally provoke extreme [[💡 Polarization|polarizations]] in us when they criticize other parts or extreme internal and external [[💡 Polarization|polarizations]] when they criticize other people. It can have a devastating impact on our relationship with ourselves and with the people around us. But these [[💡 Protector Parts|Protectors]] are not monsters to be rid of – [[🔑 There are no bad Parts]], and these are no exception. They're doing the best they can to protect us from external threat or our [[💡 Exiles|Exiles]]' powerful feelings by attempting to control other [[💡 Parts|Parts]]. Often once we discover what those intentions are we learn that these [[💡 Protector Parts|Protectors]] are actually quite kind – some of them are just unkind for a living because [[🔑 The more wounded the Exile, the more extreme the Protector|🔑 the more wounded the Exile, the more extreme the Protector]]. A critical [[💡 Protector Parts|Protector]]'s job is not to make you feel bad about yourself. That's just the [[Protector Strategies 🛡️| Strategy 🛡️]] they use to do the job. The job is to protect the vulnerability that could be exploited. "You're not good enough, and they will find out." Other parts want to tame them, lock them up, or throw them overboard. It doesn't work. Not because they're committed to shaming us, but because they're committed to protecting us. [[🔑 Parts are not their burdens, roles, or strategies|🔑 “Critic” is not an identity]], it's a description of a behavior. They by necessity become juggernauts of the ecosystem because so many other protectors are guarding against [[💡 Shame|shame]]. Those other [[💡 Protector Parts|Protectors]] don't know the critic well enough to realize that if the titan falls, it falls on the city. - [[🔑 Critical Protectors are not internalized caregivers]] - [[🔑 Positive criticism is still criticism]] - [[🔑 Don't believe your hype, and don't believe your hate]] - [[🔑 Critical Protectors might feel threatened by positive feelings]] - [[🔑 Rules and words of wisdom have limited value|🔑 Rules give us a sense of control and certainty]], having a sense of the "right" thing to do makes [[🦮 How to make decisions|🦮 making decisions]] easier. - Judgements stifle [[☀️ Curiosity]] and exploration. If some [[💡 Parts|parts of us]] judge and [[💡 Shame|shame]] other parts of us harshly, it's really difficult to know what we like. We tamp our reactions, impulses, and preferences down before we can explore them. We may judge ourselves for being bad at something we would really love, if only we allowed ourselves to explore it before we're good at it. Try to greet them with curiosity, you're learning about yourself. Explore your self-judgements. - Any negative self-image is rooted in [[🪨 Personal Burdens|Personal Burdens]] or [[🪨 Inherited Burdens|Cultural Burdens]] — in wounding or toxic cultural standards. ###### Common [[💡 Trailheads|Trailheads]] - a loud, critical inner-voice - Moralizing - [[🛡️ Blaming]] - [[💡 Black-and-White Thinking|Black-and-White Thinking]] and [[💡 Should Statements|Should Statements]]. - [[💡 Envy|Envy]], disgust, dismissiveness, or [[💡 Comparison and Competition|Comparison and Competition]] - Self-critical thoughts, [[🛡️ Perfectionism]], or other unrealistically high expectations that inevitably lead to disappointment or burnout. - Feeling small or diminished. - Feeling self-aggrandized, better than, or "hyped up." - A drive for self-improvement - Overworking - A subtle, non-verbal, immediate [[⭐️ Emotions|emotional]] response (ie, a feeling of unworthiness when we look in the mirror). - Controlling your performance so you don't get rejected - Constantly worrying about how your appearance or how you're coming across so you don't get rejected, obsessing about body image to the point of [[🛡️ Hypervigilance]]. - Talking you out of taking a risk - Making you feel worthless so you’ll never risk getting close to anybody - Never allowing you to be vulnerable out of fear of rejection or judgment. - Keeping you safe by shrinking your self-esteem so you’ll stay small. - Keeping you humble or invisible, never letting you feel good about yourself, so you don't feel good about yourself or strive for any kind of goal. This way you don't get hurt and stay under the radar. - Criticism of other people, especially over disproportionately small things - If we’re afraid of being judged for something, there’s a strong chance a part of us is already judging us for it. [[💡 Presence|Presence]] can see goodness and wholeness in people exactly as they are. The cliche is the truth: we are no better or worse than anyone else. Everyone is important. We are able to see ourselves in other people and acknowledge that if we had lived their lives we would have wound up in exactly the same place. No one is perfect, no one is worthless. Everyone is valuable. Everyone is precious. Everyone is deserving of dignity, love, and respect. ###### Working with Inner-Critics We can foster a softened relationship with them, [[F5 — BeFriend the Part|beFriend]] them, heal the [[💡 Exiles|Exiles]] they protect, and [[🔑 Liberate Parts from the roles they’ve been forced into, so they can be who they’re meant to be|🔑 liberate them from the roles they’ve been forced into, so they can be who they’re meant to be]]. - [[🦮 How to Connect with Unkind Protectors]] - [[🦮 How to Work with Angry Inner-Critics]] - The Parts who criticize are often the most [[💡 Polarization|polarizing]] parts we have, so it's worth learning [[🦮 How Polarizations soften and resolve]]. - Instead of judging them, join them. > [!TIP] > - Notice snap judgements of people. Consider why you don't like whatever it is about them, what it says about your preferences, principles and [[⭐ Values]], and then why it may work for them. What's the underlying rule the judging part is following, and is it true? Ask the judging part where they got that idea or rule and what might happen if they don't obey it. [[🔑 Rules and words of wisdom have limited value]]. If you've worked with this "part" even with a practitioner and there is still no sign that they have [[🔑 There are no bad Parts|🔑 benevolent intentions]], this may not be a [[💡 Protector Parts|Protector]] at all – it may be an [[💡 Unattached Burdens|🪨 Unattached Burden]]. ###### Related - [[💡 Grief|Grief]] - [[💡 Shame|Shame]] - [[💡 Guilt|Guilt]] - [[🛡️ People-Pleasing]] - [[💡 Sonder|Sonder]] - [[💡 The Shadow|The Shadow]]