🔼: [[🕯️ Part-Tending]] ##### 🕯️ Fire Drill (You-Turn)[^1] Borrowed from [[⭐️ Internal Family Systems]], the Fire Drill (You-Turn) is an essential [[🕯️ Part-Tending|🕯️ Parts Practice]] which is especially helpful for connecting with [[💡 Parts|Parts]] who strongly respond to people and situations with big [[⭐️ Emotions]] or reactivity. It helps us notice our [[💡 Reactive Protectors|Firefighters]] (hence the name) so they have less of a need [[💡 Blending|blend]] with or hijack us. - [[🔑 If the response feels disproportionate it’s about something else]] ###### When to Use the Fire Drill 1. Before seeing someone for whom you have strong (positive or negative) feelings, or even no feelings, or before doing anything that raises difficult feelings (dates, asking for raises, public speaking, etc.). Any occasion where you might become automatically [[💡 Blending|blended]] is a good time. 2. Once you have practiced this exercise and have become familiar with it, it can be done in a short break during an interaction. You might pause and say "Just give me a few seconds, something’s coming up in me and I need to sort it out." When something is mixing you up, take a break and get [[🕯️ Grounding|🕯️ grounded]] or [[🕯️ Unblending|🕯️ unblend]]. Take a [[💨 Re-Centering]] breath. 4. (You-Turn) In daily life, when we notice [[💡 Parts|Parts]] coming up, such as in or after a conversation, something happening at work, something upsets us, etc. > [!NOTE] > Sometimes when this is particularly difficult, it is best to do this exercise in a peer or consultation group, with a [[🦮 How to find an IFS therapist or practitioner|practitioner]], or with a consultant. [[🔑 We don't have to reveal anything to our practitioner]]. ###### The Process > [!info] Guided version: [[🧘 🎧 Richard Schwartz - Fire Drill]] 1. Visualize the person and imagine them doing and/or saying whatever provokes you. 2. Do a [[🧘 Body Scan]] and notice where you feel these feelings and somatic sensations in or around your body without interpreting or elaborating on them. 3. Extend your [[☀️ Curiosity]] to the [[💡 Parts|Parts]] who hold those feelings. You might let them know that you want to get to know them and hear what they have to say, and that the easiest way to do this is if they relax a little, give you some space, sit next to you, or [[🕯️ Unblending|unblend]]. - If multiple parts are up, either focus on the most present one or openly ask who needs to go first. This is your [[💡 Focal Part|Focal Part]]. - If this or other [[💡 Parts|Parts]] are unwilling to [[🕯️ Unblending|unblend]], ask them what their concerns are and address those concerns. - If the [[💡 Parts|Part]] is unable to unblend, rest your attention on them and continue below. 4. Check for [[Qualities of Presence ☀️]] and consider, [[F4 — Feel Toward|how do you Feel Toward this part]]? Remember, [[🔑 We only need a critical mass of Self-energy]]. Send that energy it to your [[💡 Focal Part|Focal Part]]. - If you feel something outside of those qualities, like something negative or nothing at all, you know you're [[💡 Blending|blended]] with at least one other part. Let your [[💡 Focal Part|Focal Part]] know you'll be back, and shift to working with this one. - Ask them to give you some space, then check for [[Qualities of Presence ☀️]]. - Ask the [[💡 Parts|Part]] what their concern is about working with the first [[💡 Parts|Part]] and address those concerns too. Negotiate with the [[💡 Parts|Part]] to let you work with the first [[💡 Parts|Part]]. - If they refuse, this becomes your new [[💡 Focal Part|Focal Part]]. 5. Turn toward your [[💡 Focal Part|Focal Part]] and invite them to share whatever they want about this person or situation. You might ask them why they or it is so challenging for them. Continue asking questions until they feel fully understood. 6. Ask them: "What do you need from me in order to allow me ([[💡 Presence|Presence]]) to handle it?" 7. Repeat this with each [[💡 Parts|Part]] who needs to be heard and understood in relation to this person or anything else. Remember to check for [[Qualities of Presence ☀️]] throughout. 8. Check back in with any [[💡 Parts|Parts]] who arise around this, including those who allowed you to work with others. Ask what comments, questions, and concerns they have, and whether other [[💡 Parts|Parts]] have any. 9. If it feels authentic, send all [[💡 Parts|Parts]] thanks and [[💡 Appreciation|appreciation]] for everything they've shared and for going through this with you. 10. Again, visualize that person doing what triggered your [[💡 Parts|Parts]] and notice whether there's a difference. 11. You might try [[🕯️ Journaling]] about what happened to [[⭐️ Integration|⭐️ Integrate]] what you’ve learned. > [!tip] Tips > 1. This exercise can be combined with the [[🛠 Parts Map]]. It’s especially useful if there are lots of [[💡 Parts|Parts]] arising. > 1. There's a good chance that an [[💡 Exiles|Exile]] is in the mix. It may help to be in a [[🛠 Safe Place Visualization|🛠 Safe Place]] during this exercise or your next interaction and/or to have a [[🛠 Containment|🛠 Container]] to temporarily store their [[💡 Burdens 🪨|Burden 🪨]] until it's the right time to spend time with it. > 2. If a [[💡 Parts|Part]] may doesn't trust you to handle the situation, they may have a concern that can be addressed or they may [[🔑 Our Parts often believe we are still children|🔑 think you're still a child]]. Ask them how old they think you are. If they think you're younger, ask them to look into your eyes and tell them how old you really are. You might say: "I've got strengths and resources I didn't have when I was your age." You might share something about your experience, resources, training, and whatever else feels relevant. > 3. Discern whether you've been acting from a [[🛡️ Presence-ing|🛡 Presence-like Protector]]. Many of us grew up being parentified, as helpers, and/or having to manage many childhood issues on our own. These [[💡 Parts|Parts]] can easily become [[🛡️ Presence-ing|🛡 Presence-like]], well-practiced caregiving [[💡 Parts|Parts]] who do excellent work but eventually become overwhelmed and burned out because they're children acting as adults. Even if they're good at what they do, [[🔑 Protectors are parentified children]]. They'll be working really hard while [[🔑 Presence is effortless and always here]]. This [[💡 Parts|Part]] can still be helpful but should not be "in the driver's seat." > 4. Make a commitment to [[🕯️ Part-Tending|meet with]] the [[💡 Parts|Parts]] and [[💡 Burdens 🪨|Burdens 🪨]] brought up in this experience on your own, with a therapist or practitioner, or in a peer group. [[🔑 Keep your promises]] in order to [[🔑 restore Parts' trust in Self and in Self-Leadership]]. This is especially important if you're with the person and don't have time to attend to all of those parts in the moment. You might offer them "If you let me handle this now, I promise to come back to you after." [^1]: [[📖 🟢 Trauma and Dissociation Informed Internal Family Systems]]