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Self-Leadership
The term Internal Family Systems uses to describe individuals who have access to their Self, and therefore have the capacity to hear, understand, and be present with their Parts, acknowledging and appreciating the importance of their roles in the internal family system and with other people.[1]
As Self-led people we can speak for our parts, rather than from them. Self becomes the leader of the Internal Family like an adult who guides and raises their children and handles life's difficulties.
What Self-Leadership Looks Like[2]
Access to Parts
- When we're unblended we have more access to parts, and parts have more access to us. When pretty blended with a part we only hear from that part and no one else.
- When we embody, we hear our parts more, not less. We're open and connected to our parts. If one part is fully blended, we think everything it thinks, sees, hears, we experience our body the way it does (like living in your head).
- Parts come to you when they need something. We can speak for them, rather than from them.
Access to Emotions
- We are able to express emotions in the present. It's normal, appropriate, and healthy to feel a wide range of ⭐️ Emotions, pleasant and unpleasant, in different circumstances — but those emotions are about the present moment. The past remains in the past.
Courageous Boundaries
- If someone behaves in a way that upsets our parts, we can speak for (rather than from) them. Knowing what's acceptable to us and our parts, and what isn’t, we can speak for our parts and set 🕯️ Boundaries. "I’m not okay with being spoken to like that. If you talk to me differently we can have this conversation, otherwise it's going to have to wait."
Misconceptions about Self-Leadership[2-1]
- 🔑 We are not expected to be unblended at all times
- Being Self-led is not an either/or way of living. It is not the case that being unblended is good while being blended is bad. To be alive and active in the world our parts need Self, and we need our Parts — in relationship with each other, not one dominating over the other. 🔑 We need our Parts, and our Parts need us.
- Being Self-led does not mean we’re impervious to others, that nothing ever will bother us again, that everything is acceptable. When we're Self-led we're clear on what our boundaries are. The ways we want to engage with people, and the ways we want to be treated, what we allow in our ⭐️ Relationships.
- We will still sometimes feel angry, guilt, shame, worthless, and we will still sometimes get blended.
- 🔑 We need each other
Related
📖 ✅ IFS Online Circle Month 5 - Parts of the Therapist and the Therapeutic Relationship + Integration - What a Self-Led System Looks Like↩︎↩︎
💡 Self-Leadership
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