🔼: [[💡 Parts]] ### Protector Parts "Protector" is a job title assigned to the [[💡 Parts|parts of us]] who become tethered to [[💡 Exiles|the wounded or hidden parts of us]] and work tirelessly to either prevent their [[💡 Emotional Dysregulation|activation]] or repress them once they have been activated – it’s a sort of job or role some parts of us are in. These parts of us are usually the easiest to notice and get in touch with, because they’re often quite active in our day-to-day lives. Some protective parts of us aren’t protecting a past wound, they’re trying to protect us from further [[💡 Fear|fear]], pain, or suffering. Protectors are what others might call ‘defenses,‘ ‘adaptations,‘ ‘coping strategies,‘ ‘coping mechanisms,‘ ‘adaptations,‘ or ‘resistances,‘ but those are only their [[Protector Strategies 🛡️]] — they themselves are much more complex and much more interesting than that. [[🔑 Parts are not their burdens, roles, or strategies|🔑 Protectors are not their roles]], but beings who are *in* those roles.[^1] These parts of us know that [[🔑 Exiles are capable of overwhelming us|🔑 our wounded parts can overwhelm us]], so they do everything they can to keep those wounded parts tucked away in our subconscious and keep them there through various [[Protector Strategies 🛡️]]. These [[💡 Parts|parts of us]] have a purpose and inherent gifts which are being blocked by their protective obligations.[^2] They spend enormous amounts of time doing their jobs and are often exhausted. Protectors keep the [[💡 Exiles|wounded and disowned parts of us]] contained until we are able to help them. %% Protectors are good. They are a shield. A physical wound can’t heal if it’s constantly prodded, an emotional wound can’t heal if it’s constantly triggered, and neither can heal if they’re constantly repeated. Some wounds heal all on their own. We put a bandage on, the body heals itself, we take the bandage off. But some wounds need more help, sometimes the bandage is a temporary thing that keeps things together enough until we can find the help we really need. These are protectors. They keep our wounds safe until we find the care we need. Sometimes it’s a therapist, sometimes it’s Presence, sometimes it’s a relationship, sometimes it’s a community, sometimes it’s beauty or art or spirituality, sometimes it’s something completely unexpected. Whatever it is, it’s care, love, compassion. Sometimes we have to cocoon while we tend to those wounds and allow them to heal in the clean, open air. This is where [[⭐️ Self-Care]] and [[🕯️ Self-Stewardship]] come in. Protectors hurt others to protect the vulnerabilities they’ve taken responsibility for. Our own protectors can be at odds with each other, and sometimes that escalates into a polarization. There are no bad parts, no bad protectors, but circumstances can be bad, and their behaviors can be damaging. Defending ourselves often does not have to include hurting another. We can deflect and redirect, we can use the minimum necessary force to stop them from harming others without hurting them. Like when a combatant spares the life of the one they defeat, it says “I’m not going to exploit your vulnerability. I’m not going to hurt what you’re protecting. You’re safe with me.” Burdens fall away like a skin we’ve shed. We outgrow these beliefs, we get too big, our hearts too open, for them to cling as tightly. Grow, grow in love. Stand in the bright spots. %% > [!TIP] Protector vs protective > A part can act protectively without being a Protector. To be a Protector the part must be tethered to one or more [[💡 Exiles|exiles]]. Protectors would not do what they do or go to such extreme lengths if the exiles they protect and protect us from were given the loving contact they need. Liberated parts may act protectively from time-to-time because they care about us, but they otherwise do what they're meant to, grounded in the present moment and not past hurts. ###### The Basics - [[🔑 Hold labels loosely]] - [[🔑 Proactive Protectors and Reactive Protectors are more alike than different]] - [[🔑 Protectors are dedicated to maintaining their idea of safety, balance and homeostasis]] - [[🔑 Protectors are parentified children]] - [[🔑 Protectors can guard multiple Exiles, and Exiles can have multiple Protectors]] - [[🔑 Protectors do not like their jobs, but are afraid to stop]] - [[🔑 Protectors often accidentally bring about what they want to prevent]] - [[🔑 Protectors need to be genuinely befriended]] - [[🔑 Protectors can let go of their roles when their exiles are unburdened]] - [[🔑 Protectors can soften without unburdening]] - [[🔑 Multiple Protectors can use the same strategy]] - [[🔑 Each Protector thinks they know best]] - [[🔑 Go at your pace]] - [[🔑 The time we spend with our Protectors is just as valuable as the time we spend with our Exiles]] - [[🔑 Some protectors dominate other protectors]] - [[🔑 Parts can use our minds and bodies to get or distract our attention]] - [[🔑 Protectors often doubt that things can get better]] - [[🔑 Protectors initially understand our inner-ecosystem much better than we or our practitioners do]] - [[🔑 We need Protectors]] - [[🔑 We need our Parts, and our Parts need us]] Protectors fall into one of two categories. - [[💡 Proactive Protectors|Proactive Protectors]] - [[💡 Reactive Protectors|Reactive Protectors]] ![[Protector Strategies 🛡️]] ###### Protector Burdens ![[💡 Burdens 🪨#The Burdens of Protector Parts]] ###### Protector Needs - To feel welcomed, because [[🔑 All Parts are welcome exactly as they are]] - To be understood, because [[🔑 There are no bad Parts]] - [[🔑 Protectors need to be genuinely befriended|🔑 To be genuinely befriended]].[^2] - To be [[F6 — Learn their Fears|validated and negotiated with]], as opposed to strong-armed.[^2] - To be [[💡 Appreciation|honored and appreciated]]. - To [[🔑 Restore Parts' trust in Self and in Self-Leadership|learn to trust in Self and in Self-Leadership]].[^2] ###### Common Protector Fears[^2] [[🔑 Protectors do not like their jobs, but are afraid to stop]]. During [[F6 — Learn their Fears]] we'll frequently hear fears like these. **This is not a definitive list**. It's much more important to establish a real, trusting relationship than it is to remember these, and these answers are only useful if you can say them to your parts from a place of authenticity. These aren't canned responses we use to make our [[💡 Parts|Parts]] feel better. > [!NOTE]- Exiles Will Overwhelm > Our protectors have worked so hard for so long to protect us from our [[💡 Exiles|exiles]] feelings. We might reassure them that [[🔑 Most parts can choose to not overwhelm us if asked]], and we can make that agreement with the exile. We might promise the protector that we will [[🔑 Go at your pace|🔑 go at their pace]] and they can always jump in if they need to. > [!NOTE]- Exiles can’t change; there’s no point in bringing up the past > - You might let this part know that we can bring those exiles out of the past and heal them, that [[🔑 We can witness the past without re-experiencing it]]. If the protector will let us try, they might be surprised at how helpful re-writing history can be for these parts.^5 > > If that isn't reassuring enough, that's okay. Just continue [[💡 The 6 Fs of Internal Family Systems|getting to know them]] to move toward [[🔑 Restore Parts' trust in Self and in Self-Leadership|🔑 restoring their trust in Self and in Self-Leadership]].[^1] > [!NOTE]- ”I‘m afraid you'll do X thing.” > This part is [[💡 Polarization|polarized]] with a [[💡 Protector Parts|Protector]] who uses that [[Protector Strategies 🛡️|Protector Strategy 🛡️]]. > [!NOTE]- Extreme Reactive Protectors will be triggered > This fear is often surrounding [[🛡️ Addiction or Dependence]], [[🛡️ Emotional Eating]], [[🛡️ Eating Disorders]], [[🛡️ Self-Harm]], and [[🛡️ Suicidality]]. > > [[💡 Reactive Protectors]] often do become more active as we approach [[💡 Exiles]]. They might make an appearance, but that doesn't mean they will act.[^1] > > [[🕯️ Titration|Titrate]] and explore these fears and history with this worried part, using [[💡 The 6 Fs of Internal Family Systems]] if that feels right. You might reassure them you'll be careful, know to [[🔑 Go at your pace|🔑 go at their pace]] and will go at whatever pace we need in order for these [[💡 Reactive Protectors|Reactive Protectors]] to not activate.[^1] > > At the same time, develop a relationship with the [[💡 Reactive Protectors|Reactive Protectors]] *before* going to the [[💡 Exiles|exiles]]. The stronger your relationship is, the less likely Reactive Protector is going to take over[^1] because you’ll have [[🔑 Restore Parts' trust in Self and in Self-Leadership|🔑 earned their trust]]. > [!NOTE]- You or your therapist can’t handle the exile and you’ll end up getting rejected and abandoned. > Share this fear with your therapist or practitioner. > [!NOTE]- Protectors fear losing their job or role because they're afraid of being gotten rid of > No one loses their job or gets kicked out. [[🔑 We will always have Parts]]. We’re just asking for some space, not for them to go away.[^1] > > This protector might **choose** to change their jobs at some point, but it’s completely up to them.[^1] They will never be abandoned — everyone is here to stay. > [!NOTE]- Secrets will be exposed that people can't handle > This fear is often related to deeper [[💡 Exiles|exiles]].[^1] > Update your ecosystem. What’s true **now**? > - Different place, different situation, exile is trapped in the past. > - Other parts are older and more grown up. > - We have more resources than we used to. > > It might be true that your present life won’t support exposing those [[💡 Exiles|exiles]].[^1] Let these parts know [[🔑 We don't have to reveal anything to our practitioner|🔑 nothing has to be revealed]]. No one in the external world has to be confronted. Step 8 is a myth.[^1] [[🔑 We don't have to forgive in order to heal]]. > [!NOTE]- The external world won't support change. You’ll be too needy or too vulnerable and be put at risk. > Sometimes this is true and external changes need to happen to make it safe to do the internal work. Sometimes it isn't true.[^1] > > Reassure them you will [[🔑 Go at your pace|work slowly]], and that whatever work you do, you’ll make sure all the [[💡 Protector Parts|Protectors]] are back in place before returning to the outside world. Let them know that you or you and your [[💡 The IFS Practitioner|IFS Therapist]] will keep an eye on the outside world to know whether any unsafe changes are happening or if you need to speed up or slow down working with these exiles.[^1] ###### See Also - [[💡 Polarization]] - [[💡 Protectors-in-Exile]] - [[💡 Game Theory]] [^1]: [[📖 ✅ IFS Online Circle]] Month 2: The Protective System & Fears of the Protectors - Month 2 with Toni Herbine-Blank [^2]: [[📖 ✅ IFS Online Circle]] Month 2: The Protective System & Fears of the Protectors [^3]: [[📖 ✅ IFS Online Circle]] Month 3: Working with Exiles & The Trauma Behind the Rage - Month 3 with Toni Herbine-Blank [^4]: [[📖 ✅ IFS Online Circle]] Month 5 - Parts of the Therapist and the Therapeutic Relationship + Integration - Month 5 with Richard Schwartz Continued [^5]: [[📖 ✅ IFS Online Circle]] Month 3: Working with Exiles & The Trauma Behind the Rage - Month 3 with Richard Schwartz